Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
George: I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.
Kramer: It's a write off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I Don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Jerry: I wish I could have the last 20 seconds of my life back.
Kramer: At Brandt-Lealand, I'm gettin' things done.
Jerry: How much are they paying you?
Kramer: Oh no no no, I don't want any money, I'm doin' this just for me.
Jerry: Clearly... so, uh, what do you do down there all day?
Kramer: T.C.B. You know, takin' care of business. Well, I gotta go... ah, can't forget my briefcase.
Jerry: What have you got in there?
Kramer: Crackers.
Newman: I'm a little... insulted...
Jerry: You're not a little anything, Newman.
Jerry: Oh, I know the chunky who left these chunkies... Newman!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 4th, 2007 Jerry: See, to me, that button is in the worst possible spot.
George: Really?
Jerry: Oh yeah. The second button is the key button. It literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's too high, it's in no-man's land.
George: Haven't we had this conversation before?
Jerry: You think?
George: I think we have.
Jerry: Yeah, maybe we have.
Jerry: What are you in for, sir?
Prisoner: Murder one.
Jerry: Murder one? Ooooh, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir. Lighten up. How about you, what are you in for?
Prisoner: Grand theft auto.
Jerry: Grand theft auto? Don't steal any of my jokes.
Prisoner: You suck. I'm gonna cut you.
Jerry: Hey, I don't come down to where you work and knock the license plate out of your hand.
Guard: Alright, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.
Jerry: Alright. Hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria!
Jerry: So what is the deal with the yard? I mean when I was a kid my mother wanted me to play in the yard. But of course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh. And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison? You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. So, anyone from Cellblock D?
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 4th, 2007 Jerry's Maid: There's a girl down at the agency her name is Coco. That girl's alright.
George: Another Coco, there can't be another Coco, Krueger would never allow it.
Jerry: Sounds like Krueger runs a pretty tight ship.
Jerry: What's that? Double zero?
George: No, its oo, as in oo-oo-ah-ah.