Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 18)
Jerry: Hey, let me ask you a question. In these nudist colonies, do they eat naked in the dining room?
George: I would imagine it's all naked.
Jerry: What about the chamber maids? Are they naked, too?
George: They're naked, the gardeners naked.. the bellhops. One big nude-a-rama.
George: Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Jerry: Dating Marla.
George: Oh, the virgin?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Any, uh.. progress, there? What's the latest?
Jerry: Well, I got my troops amassed along the border - I'm just waiting for someone to give me the go-ahead.
Elaine: I want to be in on this, too.
Jerry & George: Oh, no. No, no.
Elaine: Why not?
Jerry: It's like apples and oranges.
Elaine: What? Why? Why?
Jerry: Because you're a woman!
Elaine: So what?
Jerry: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. Men have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh, shaving.
Elaine: Oh, that is such boloney. I shave my legs.
Kramer: Not every day.
Kramer: Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this.
Jerry: You?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: You'll be out before we get the check.
Jerry & Elaine: C'mon..
George: You don't think I can?
Jerry: No chance.
George: You think you could?
Jerry: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.
George: Care to make it interesting?
George: Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing that again.
Elaine: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?
George: Altogether.
Elaine: Oh, gimme a break..
Jerry: Ohhh yeah. Right.
Kramer: Oh, like you're gonna stop.
George: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: I zipped up!
George: So, one thing led to another…
Jerry: So, what did she do?
George: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.
Kramer: Man!
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: Uh-huh.
Kramer: She caught you?
Jerry: Where?
George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. They're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine; I started leafing through it ...
Jerry: Glamour?
Jerry: What's the matter?
George: My mother caught me.
Jerry: Caught you? Doing what?
George: You know.