Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 2)
Jerry: Hey George, how are you going to keep the machine plugged in?
George: What?
Jerry: Well, when you unplug the machine, all the scores will be erased.
George: You're right. Why must there always be a problem. You'd think just once I'd catch a break. God knows I earned it with that score.
Jerry: Hey, look at the high score. G.L.C., George Louis Costanza. That's not you, is it?
George: Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still standing. No one has beaten me in like 10 years.
Jerry: I remember that night.
George: The perfect combination of Mountain Dew and mozzarella... just the right amount of grease on the joy stick.
Mario: Here's your pizza, pea brains.
Jerry: I think I remember why we stopped coming here.
Jerry: "So, Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more "grease monkey"."
David Puddy: "I don't much care for that term."
Jerry: "Oh. Sorry, I didn't know..."
David Puddy: "I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector."
Jerry: "I saw one once that could do sign language."
David Puddy: "Yeah, I saw that one. Uh... Koko."
Jerry: "Yeah, Koko."
David Puddy: "Right, Koko. That chimp's alright. High-five."
Jerry: Hey George, I'm buyin' this car!
George: Ssssh. What is wrong with you! You never tell them you like the car! You're not sure what you want, you don't even know why you're here!
George: [watching home movies] Oh! Don't look this is where they change me.
Jerry: Weren't you like eight years old?
George: I was seven and a half!
Kramer: Hey, Jerry! Come in here a sec! Hey!
Jerry: Oh my God!
Kramer: It's the Merv Griffin set!
Jerry: How did you get this in here?
Kramer: Oh, you just bring it in sideways and hook it.
Jerry: So where are you gonna sleep?
Kramer: Yeah... backstage.
Kramer: Simple. You let out one emotion, all the rest will come with it. It's like Endora's box.
Jerry: That was the mother on Bewitched. You mean Pandora.
Kramer: Yeah, well, she... had one, too.
Elaine: Whoa. What is the matter?
Jerry: It's Patty.
Elaine: Jerry, you break up with a girl every week.
Jerry: [cries] What... what is this salty discharge?
Elaine: Oh my God. You're crying.
Jerry: This is horrible! I care!
Jerry: Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld. No, no, no, I do not want to stop over in Cincinnati. Well, then you upgrade me. That's right, you should thank me. Goodbye. [hangs up] Hey, I'm flyin' first class!
Elaine: Where did that come from?
Jerry: Patty showed me how to get mad. You gotta problem with that?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: Good.
Jerry: Kramer, I am so sick of you comin' in here and eatin' all my food. Now shut that door and get the hell out of here!
Kramer: [laughs] What is that, a new bit?