Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 21)
Jerry: Unfortunately, the laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may, for Miss Benes, as I've heard this story a number of times. Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story, Keith passes you and starts walking up the ramp. Then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and fourth rib. The spit then came off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses - in mid air, mind you - makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic loogie.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007 George: Is there a pinkish hue?
Jerry: A pinkish hue?
George: Yes, a rosy glow.
Jerry: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows, women kill to have her eyebrows.
George: Who cares about eyebrows?
Jerry: Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.
Elaine: Well, maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.
Jerry: Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg, she's still the one who laughed.
Jerry: Remember, don't whistle on the elevator.
George: Why not?
Jerry: That's what Willie Loman told Biff before his interview in "Death of a Salesman."
George: What, you're comparing me to Biff Loman? Very encouraging. The biggest loser in history of American literature.
Jerry: Should we walk him around?
Elaine and Kramer: Yes, yes.
Kramer: Yeah, I've seen them do that.
Jerry: No, no that's for a drug overdose.
Kramer: Maybe that's what he's got.
Elaine: No, no, no, no, Kramer. I just had lunch with him, he didn't leave the table.
Kramer: Well he could have dropped acid when you weren't looking.
Elaine: You'd really like him.
Jerry: Why do people always say that? I hate everyone, why would I like him?
Jerry: If you did, I'd have a car. See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation. The holding. Anybody can just take them.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007 Agent: I'm sorry, we have no mid-size available at the moment.
Jerry: I don't understand, I made a reservation, do you have my reservation?
Agent: Yes, we do, unfortunately we ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Agent: I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do!
Elaine: You don't care that innocent defenseless animals are being tortured so that you can look good?
George: Could we talk about this some other time?
Ava: Are you a vegetarian?
Jerry: Here we go..
Elaine: Hey, is that real fur?
Jerry: Oh boy..
Ava: It better be or my ex-husband owes me an explanation.
George: Yeah, good night.
