Jerry Seinfeld Quotes (Page 27)
Jerry: Women go after doctors like men go after models, they want someone with knowledge of the body, we just want the body.
• Vote for this Quote! • February 13th, 2007George: It's all over for me. In fact...let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, uh...What? Kinda like this? (Jokingly smothers George with the pillow. George freaks out, he didn't think Jerry would actually do it)
George (muffled): What are ya doing?! Whadya, crazy?!
Elaine (just entered): Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine! What are YOU doing here? (removes pillow)
George: What about like an announcer? Like a color man? You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game?
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: So? What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and, ya know, people IN broadcasting.
George: That's really not fair.
Donna: I asked some friends of mine this week, and all of them liked the commercial.
Jerry: (sarcastic) Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin round table there
Jerry: I love my phone machine. I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to, I could go, "Excuse me; I'm not in right now. If you would just leave a message, I could walk away." I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much, because you can't slam down a cordless phone. You get mad at somebody on a real phone – "You can't talk to me like that!" Bang! You know. You get mad at somebody on a cordless phone – "You can't talk to me like that!
• Vote for this Quote! • February 13th, 2007Jerry: "I only eat cantaloupe at certain times."
• Vote for this Quote! • February 13th, 2007Jerry: "I don't return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in."
• Vote for this Quote! • February 13th, 2007Marlene: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
Jerry: You're a cashier!
Jerry: "A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened to the Blob."
• Vote for this Quote! • February 13th, 2007George: "Look, do I have to break up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things."
Jerry: "You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion, right off!"
