Jess Mariano Quotes
Luke: What is wrong with this shoe polish?
Jess: Pontius Pilate was alive when you bought it?
Luke: He's a grown man with and etch-a-sketch.
Jess: Well shake him real hard, maybe he'll disappear!
Sasha: Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz?
Jess: Yes.
Sasha: Remember when they go to the Emerald City and they ring the bell and the guy with the beard stuck his head out and they said that they wanted to see the wizard, and he said no, and they said, 'She's got the ruby slippers', and he said 'Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.'
Jess: Yes.
Sasha: Well, I'm the guy with the beard and I'm saying the no unless you can come up with the ruby slippers.
Jess: I'm his son.
Sasha: His son?
Jess: Yes, his son.
Sasha: Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.
Jess: Does she know what I look like?
Rory: I don’t think so.
Jess: Perfect. Find someone who vaguely resembles me. Take him. Just don’t kiss him goodnight.
Jess: What are the extra pickles on?
Dean: On the side.
Jess: On the side of what? On the side of the burgers, on the side of the sandwiches, or on the side of the road where the ditch I’m gonna dump your body into is?
Luke: Shouldn't we give thanks first?
Jess: Thanks for what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
Jess: What do you think is gonna happen?
Luke: You know what I think is gonna happen.
Jess: No, I don’t. Tell me. Tell me what I’m gonna do to her.
Luke: You’re not gonna do anything to her because when you’re at her place, there’s Lorelai, and when you’re here, there’s me, and when you’re out there, there’s Taylor.
Jess: Romeo and Juliet had warring families and they still managed to do a little damage, you know?
Luke: Well, as soon as I catch you in a pair of tights, I’ll get worried. Until then, do your homework.
Jess: Hi.
Rory: Hey.
Jess: Hi.
Lorelai: Hi.
Jess: Hi.
Luke: Hi.
Rory: I have to get to school.
Jess: Yeah, me too.
Rory: Bye
Jess: Bye. Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Luke: Bye.
[Jess and Rory leave]
Luke: What the hell was that?
Lorelai: That was episode one of "Rory and Jess: The Early Years."
Lorelai: [to Luke] I've seen you swimming at the lake, so I've seen you with your shirt off.
Jess: Lately? 'Cause he's really let himself go.
Lorelai: Sing Margaritaville.
Luke: No.
Jess: That attitude's gonna lose you that toy.
Luke: Stay outta this.
