Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 2)
Meredith: Hey! There he is.
Jim: Hey Meredith. How you feeling?
Meredith: I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Jim: Oh please, it was my pleasure - well we all came, so...
Meredith: I really appreciate you coming... I'm singling you ouuuut.
Phyllis: It's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a salesperson. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, okay?
[cut to Jim being interviewed]
Jim: And THAT is why we waited so long to tell people.
Pam: Yeah, I gave him a ride home because...we're dating.
Jim: Wow. There it is.
Pam: Yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. Right?
Jim: It is going really great.
Jim: One day Michael came into the office complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Michael: I was able to be on the scene so quickly... because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was the driver?
Pam: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just...we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down and then he did the same to me, but you know what? It's okay. I am totally fine. Everything is going to be totally...
[Jim walks in on interview]
Jim: Pam. [to camera] Sorry. [to Pam] Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: All right. Then it's a date.
[Jim leaves. Pam smiles and tears up]
Pam: I'm sorry, what was the question?
Dwight: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time now. Check out time is never.
Jim: Does my room have cable?
Dwight: No, and the sheets are made of fire!
Jim: Can I change rooms?
Dwight: No, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town!
Jim: Can I have a late check out?
[pauses]
Dwight: I'll have to talk to the manager.
Jim: You're not the manager...even in your own fantasy?
Dwight: I'm the owner....co-owner. With Satan!
Jim: Okay, just so I understand it...in your wildest fantasy, you are in hell. And you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
Dwight: But I haven't told you my salary.
Jim: Go.
Dwight: Eighty thousand dollars a year!
Dwight: We will be called Gryffindor.
Jim: Really? Not Slytherin?
Dwight: Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
Jim: I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
Dwight: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? I wouldn't do that.
Jim: Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort!
Dwight: You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? He's a homosexual.
Jim: Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls.
Dwight: Those are collectible action figures. And they're worth more than your car.
Michael: You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.
Jim: [picking up a ticket on his desk] What's this?
Dwight: That is a demerit.
Jim: "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Oh, I love it already.
Dwight: You've got to learn, Jim, you're second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim: Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like what does a demerit mean?
Dwight: Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim: Lay it on me.
Dwight: Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.
Jim: Now that sounds serious.
Dwight: Oh it is serious. Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim: Which would be me.
Dwight: That...is correct.
Jim: Okay, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight: What's a dis...what's that?
Jim: Oh, you don’t want to know.
[Dwight is scared]
