Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 9)
Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out, maybe more.
Jim: Oh, yelch. [pause] Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that going.
Pam: Yay!
Jim: Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. Aaaand, that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 25th, 2007 Dwight: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
Jim: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
Dwight: Oh yes we do.
Jim: No we don't.
Dwight: Yeah, it's a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. [smirks at camera]
Jim: All right. [pause] Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim: Then I win.
Dwight: [sitting on a giant rubber ball] You should get one of these.
Jim: No, thank you.
Dwight: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb, and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim: Done.
Dwight: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. [bumps picture on Jim's desk] Sorry.
Jim: It's all right.
Dwight: Numerous health benefits: strengthens your back, better performance at sports, more enjoyable sex.
Jim: You're not having sex.
Dwight: [smirks] Plus, improves your reflexes. [knocks over knick-knack on Jim's desk] See, I would have caught that.
Jim: Okay, you know what, how much is that?
Dwight: It's only 25 bucks.
Jim: Wow. Um, okay. [pops orb with a pair of scissors, causing Dwight to crash to the ground]
Jim: Do we all have a copy of Threat Level: Midnight by Michael Scott?
Dwight: Well my uncle bought me fireworks, so who ever whats to see a real show come with me!
Jim: They might not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years... and years... and... years.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 25th, 2007 Michael: C'mon, hit me...
Jim: I can't. I just got a manicure.
Michael: Oh, queer! [looks at camera] ...eye. Queer eye! Good show, important show.
Jim: Just have Dwight punch you.
Michael: Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls who could kick his ass.
Jim: You know a ton of 14-year-old girls?
Dwight: What belt are they?
Pam: [naming her five 'desert island movies] Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused...
Jim: Ooh, definitely in my top five.
Pam: Yes -- in my top three, so suck it. [Jim looks bewildered and then grins]
Jim: Who has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? [points his thumbs at himself] This guy!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007 Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael almost says it] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael nearly bursts trying not to say it] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!