Joey Tribbiani Quotes (Page 8)
Rachel: Oh, and-and on page 2, he's not reaching for her heaving beasts.
Monica: What's a niffle?
Joey: You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
Rachel: Alright, alright, alright — so I'm not a great typist…
Ross: Wait! Did you get to the part about "his huge, throbbing pens"? Well, yeah, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Phoebe: I just got to the part about "her public hair".
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor-slash-model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man-slash-woman.
Chandler: You know, you deserve this. After all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.
Joey: Okay. Okay, fine! Make jokes. I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead, then I've got no reason to live.
Ross: Joey, omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry.
Joey: ... 95, 96, 97. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Chandler: You got way too much time, man.
[The gang watches a sonogram of Carol's baby.]
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I don't know, but… I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Chandler: I think, for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not... why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: You see, the problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. Y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically, just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: Are we still talking about sex?
Joey:Hey Pheobe, do you wanna come over and help us put Ross' furniture together?
Phoebe: I wish I could but I don't want to.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
Monica: There's nothing to tell! It's just some guy I work with.
Joey: Come on! You're going out with the guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him.
Chandler: So, does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait! Does he eat chalk? Just 'cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and… not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.