John 'JD' Dorian Quotes (Page 11)
Dr. Cox: Would you stay? And watch the game with me? Maybe have a slice of pizza?
J.D.: Of course I will.
Dr. Cox: I can braid your hair. I know the couch isn't very deep, but we could move the back cushion and spoon. [Addressing his friends who have just walked in the door] Hey you guys, what do you say? Beer and chips in the back. [Turning back to J.D.] Just ignore them, and would you tell me the answer to this question: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
Turk: Oh, come on, Carla, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me.
Carla: Well, you're a surgeon. So, you've got the god-complex, the c**kiness, the whole "married to the job" thing. You're cute, but you're very, very aware of it. You have no idea what I'm like, so all of your feelings for me are coming from down there [points at his crotch]. But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing; and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told "no." So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favorite.
J.D.: I'd go with the "god-complex"...but it's hard to choose, you know, they're all so good.
Dr. Cox: Do you know what you've just done? You just lost all lap-dog privileges.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: No more walkies, no more treats, no more following me around the hospital.
J.D.: I'm not your lap-dog.
Dr. Cox: Hey you, back there, what do we do with lap-dogs who can't behave in the house?
Doug: Make them stay outside?
Dr. Cox: That's right. You now have five seconds to get out of this room, otherwise I'm gonna start whacking you on the nose with this!
J.D.: Oh, Dr. Cox, I know I'm being annoying. But I-I'm really getting used to talking to patients. I mean, this is why I became a doctor; right? Right?
Dr. Cox: I heard "I know I'm being annoying," and then...white noise.
J.D.: How's surgery?
Todd: It rocks. But in my bedroom? That's where I really operate.
J.D.: How's it going?
Janitor: I'm 37 years old, and I'm a janitor; how do you think it's going?
J.D.: Now, there is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
Janitor: Really? Thank you. You...you've turned my life around. I'm gonna have to go tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living; and that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whoozitz.... Dr. Nothin'. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.
Dr. Cox: Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. Advances that keep people alive that should have died along time ago, back when they lost what made them people. Now your job is to stay sane enough so that when someone does come in that you actually can help, you're not so brain dead that you can't function-for the love of God, what?
J.D.: Its just... do you think we should be talking about this in front of her?
Dr. Cox: Her? She's dead. Write this down newbie, if you push around a stiff, nobody will ask you to do anything.
J.D.: You've been like a father to me.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough, you want some real advice? If they find out they nurses are doing your proceedures for you, your ass will be kicked out of here so fast it will make your head spin.
Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I-I was just making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.
J.D.: You know how I'm totally down with the rap music?
Turk: Dude, be whiter.
J.D.: Here's the thing: TuPac, DMX, Dr. Dre, in most of their songs, these artists use an extremely volatile racial slur...the "N" word.
Turk: I got it.
J.D.: Right. My question is this: If we're both singing along, and knowing that otherwise I would never use the word, am I allowed to say...
Turk: No.
J.D.: See, that's good for me to know. I didn't...I didn't know that.
Elliot: I just hate it. I hate the "darlins" I hate the "sweethearts" ...
Carla: You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman around here.
Elliot: Well, you're certainly furthering the cause by wearing a thong to work and hooking up in the on-call room. Word gets around.
Carla: You talk like that, do you even know my name? I spend every second of my life either here, or taking care of my mom. So, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. And some days, I need to feel good about something around here. And you judge me? Well, guess what, word does get around, Miss "Out For Herself", so you can dump on everyone here if you want; but you will not hurt me.
J.D.: Her name's Carla, by the way.
