John 'JD' Dorian Quotes (Page 2)
[While cleaning up after a party for old gay men]
J.D.: Ooh, appletini! When did they start drinking straight guy drinks?
Dr. Briggs: [to adolescent patient] As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask that you masturbate five times a week.
J.D.: [trying to make patient less uncomfortable]Wow, five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back.
J.D. voiceover: ...he said in front of his soon-to-be girlfriend.
J.D.: Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr. Curtis's wound.
Gloria: And I need you to suck it!
J.D.: Wow, Gloria, do you kiss your great-great-great-great-great-grandkids with that mouth? Zoom-zoom-zoom!
JD(To a depressed, drunken Dr. Cox.): I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come in before was because of you coming into work drunk. But that's not it. I was scared. I guess after all this time, I still think of you as like this super hero, who will help me out of any situation I'm in. I needed that. But that's my problem, you know? And I'll deal with that. I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients, but because after 20 years of being a doctor, when things go badly, you still take it this hard. And I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's the kind of doctor I want to be.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Parent: Why would anyone smother their own child?
JD: Actually, there's a disease called Munchausen syndrome, where parents deliberately harm their own children just to get attention for themselves.
Parent: I've never heard of that. Somebody should do a public service announcement on it.
[scene switches to JD's imagination]
JD: You had a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie. Maybe have a drink. It's fun, right? Wrong. Don't smother your kids. [Walks away, NBC's 'The More You Know' Logo comes up.]
[scene returns to the hospital]
JD: The problem would be gone forever!
Jill Tracy: I know he wasn't here yesterday. But I thought maybe he got the day wrong and he'd be here today with roses. Is that sad?
JD: It's not not sad.
Carla: I'm having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey J.D., if you you go out, would you get me a hot Italian sausage?
Todd: I've got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here!
[blank stares, head shakes]
Todd: People think I just luck into these situations, but it's really a lot of hard work. You know what else is hard? ...I should go.
J.D.: I think I may vomit.
Dr Cox: [Turns to the interns following him] OK that's it. This right here [draws line] is the get hit line. Cross it at your own risk.
Intern: When do you turn nice? This is getting kinda old.
Dr Cox: Never Lesley.
Lesley: He knows my name!
Dr Cox: [whistles] I was just calling you by a random girls name. Listen please, I don't care about any of your problems. I have no answers for any of you.
Gloria: But my boyfriend's bi-curious and he wants me to pick his lovers.
Dr Cox: I might have an answer for that. Eww. I mean come on children, what do you actually think is going to happen here? Do you think I'm going to take you, and sit you down next to me [sits Rex down next to him and puts an arm around him. JD walks in], and say um... Listen, if you need anything you've got my pager, just know that I'm there for you always.
JD: Oh. My. God!
Dr Cox: Newbie...
J.D.: Zip it! I am so gee darned pissed right now. I was okay when you kept me at arms length because everyone said that was just Cox, that's how he operates, and I believed them. Now I walk in on this, this... bi-racial love fest! You know what? I hate to do it but I'm giving you back the pencil. That's right, the pencil you gave me on my third day of work. You handed it off to me like a tiny yellow baton, but you were trying to say to me "JD you are the new me. You, JD, are my mentee. You, are my son."
Dr Cox: What pencil?
JD: Oh that's perfect. That's perfect. You know what? Take it. Maybe you can use it with Rex, or Gloria... or that guy.
Dr Cox: That guy's name is Lesley.
JD: His name is Lesley. His name is Lesley. Your name is Lesley. Alright, good for you Lesley. [Walks away before running back and tackling the intern] LESLEY!!!
J.D.: [to Turk over walkie-talkies] Brown bear, are you nude right now?
Turk: Yeah! How did you know?
J.D.: Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Turk: Hahaha. That's true!
Dr. Cox: [in the background] It's not weird that you know that.
Elliot: J.D. I don't want to do this! Can't we just go home and put our PJ's on and watch Grey's Anatomy?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives, and then just put it on TV!
