John 'JD' Dorian Quotes (Page 5)
J.D.: What is wrong with you? Is it because I called you "Smelliot"? Because I can't believe you haven't heard that before.
Elliot: J.D., I don't care if you call me that.
J.D. [announcing]: Hey, everybody! She's cool with "Smelliot"!
The Todd: Oh! So he can call you "Smelliot", but I'm not allowed to call you "Vagina Face"?
Elliot: Not the same, Todd!
The Todd [stormig off]: Hmph!
J.D.: [to the Janitor] You're an actor!
Janitor: You're a fireman! What are we doing?
J.D.: No more stealing her purse just so you can return it later in hopes that she’ll be so grateful she’ll use the money recovered to buy you a drink and maybe have sex with you after.
Danni: Did that work?
J.D.: I stole the wrong purse. And yes.
J.D.: Uh, Dr. Cox, my brother was wondering if he could trail with us today....
Dr. Cox: Good God in heaven, Newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; nyet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; oh-oh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff -- "NOOOOOOOoooooooo!
J.D.: Hey, Sean, you were right about me and my interns. I guess I owe you an apology.
Carla: Damn straight, you do! You know what your problem is, Bambi? You're-- Oh! Turk! Please? Just one more second? I need the rush! Please?
Elliot: Oh, so you've never dreamt about your wedding day.
J.D.: (drifts off)
Priest: Do you, John Dorian, take Marcia Brady to be your wife?
Marsha Brady: My name is Maureen McCormick.
J.D.: Marsha, please! Continue, Father.
Marsha Brady: (gazes adoringly at J.D.)
Head of Radiology: These are my machines!
Carla: Sir-
Head of Radiology: MY MACHINES!
Turk: Whose machines?
Head of Radiology: They're mine! Mine! My machines! They're mine! Mine! My machines!
JD: (to Turk) How was that helpful?
J.D.:If she was your daughter you'd totally know how to handle it.
Dr. Cox: My god, you're right.
[After punching Kelso]
Dr. Cox: You're doing fine there, Barbie.
Elliot: (stunned)... Thank you?
Dr. Cox: Everybody have a good one! I'm going home to see my son.
J.D.: Look, I'm sorry I was such a jerk yesterday, okay? I mean, come on, look at this floor! You could practically eat off of it!
Janitor: Would you?
J.D.: Would I what?
Janitor: Would you eat off the floor?
[Janitor drops a piece of ham on the floor]
[J.D. leans down to eat it]
J.D.'s Narration: As I bent down to eat that peppered floor turkey, unaware that the cleanser the Janitor uses is an extremely potent diuretic, I realized something... the reason we're doctors is because we have an innate desire to help people.
[J.D. walks off]
Janitor: That was disgusting
Spence:: That guy?
J.D.: Yes!
Spence:: What about that guy?
J.D.:: Look it's probably easier if I just tell you whose butt I haven't had my fingers up.