John 'JD' Dorian Quotes (Page 6)
Elliot: [looking at J.D.'s wrists, which are burned from kinky sex the night before] Looks like rope burn to me.
J.D.: Oh, no, this is a -- a rash from my new watch. They didn't tell me the band was made out of ... cat.
J.D. : Shut up, shut up, shut up and SHUT UP, okay?! Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long.
To Dr Cox : And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby. That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE.
To Carla and Turk : And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it?
To Elliot : And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are.
J.D.'s Narration: We both knew what we had to do.
J.D.: Let's come clean.
Turk: Let's not tell anyone! Ever! Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever! EVER!
J.D.: Ever?
Turk: Ever!
Janitor: Hey, guys! Check out the personalized golf club cozy I found on the roof! [puppeting the cozy, with a Goliath voice] "Hi, Davey!"
J.D.: [under breath to Turk] You and your stupid Christmas present!
Janitor: Yeah.... Seems like one of the golf balls you hit went through the windshield of my van. No big deal, I just expect you to replace it, that's all.
J.D.: Wait, wait, wait. Your--your windshield's been broken for like a year!
Janitor: Yeah! Yeah, I know. Still.
J.D.: There she is! [leans down to her belly] Are you ready to be born today? Jeebeedeebeejeebee....
Jordan: Get the hell away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg-lock and snap your little bird-neck with my enormous thighs.
J.D.: (straightens up to face her) Enjoy your special day.
Dr. Cox: You want some advice? No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny the Tackling Alzheimer’s Patient.
J.D.: What's that supposed to mean?
[Johnny tackles J.D. through the door out of nowhere.]
Johnny: Who am I!?
Elliot: I'm dating a Murse!
J.D: Well it's better than dating a mectretary or a manicurist...oh wait that works.
Elliot: Well, only you guys know, and Nurse Roberts.... Well she not that much of a gossip... is she?
Carla and J.D: Nah.
Nurse Roberts: Dr Reid, Nurse Paul, Dr Reid, Nurse Paul, DR REID, NURSE PAUL, Dr Reid, Nurse Paul, Dr Reid, Nurse Paul, [to Dr. Cox] Dr Reid, Nurse Paul, dating!
Dr. Cox: Giant, who cares?
Turk: Tonight -- I'm gonna make her a nice dinner, then I'm gonna put the ring in her champagne glass.
J.D.: You might as well put it in her cham-lame glass.
Turk: Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what would you do?
J.D.: Okay, first you gotta get, like, fifty candles, right?
Turk: Mm-hmm?
J.D.: You spread 'em all over the room with some rose petals....
Turk: That's right, because the roses are beautiful, and they make the room smell amazing.
J.D.: Like a meadow in springtime.
Turk: Mmm.
Carla comes in from the bedroom.
Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk!
J.D.: Yeah, - bitches and hoes.
J.D.:(Thinking): And then she said something, every man is dying to hear...
Elliot : We can be sex buddies...
Dr. Cox: [on the phone] Sure, Jordan, I guess you could take over the master bathroom. But would ya do me a favor and leave my sleeping pills out in case when I get home I wanna take 300 of 'em? Heh! OK bye.
J.D.: I can't stop obsessing over this date I have tonight! What do you think I should do?
Dr. Cox: Well for starters, you should probably go ahead and thank your lucky stars that ya finally found a gal who's into same sex relationships.
J.D.: You know, Perry--
Dr. Cox: "Perry?"
J.D.: Yeah, I'm trying it out...
