Kent Brockman Quotes
Kent Brockman: I'm here with Rainier Wolfcastle, star of the McBain movies, telling me about his new film, Help, My Son Is A Nerd.
Rainier Wolfcastle: My teenage son returns from a fancy East Coast college, and I'm horrified to discover he's a nerd.
Kent Brockman: I'm laughing already.
Rainier Wolfcastle: It's not a comedy.
Kent Brockman: Earlier on this broadcast, I said a word so vile that it should only be uttered by Satan himself while sitting on the toilet. I apologize and will make a large donation to charities that fight teen cursing. Good night.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Kent: [after Homer spills coffee on him] OW! That hurt like a [words are muffled outside the Simpsons house; we go into the house where the pets and the children are open mouthed; Maggie's pacifier falls on the floor; Marge enters the room]
Marge: What did I miss?
Lisa: Kent Brockman just said a very bad swear!
Marge: Which one? [long silence]
Bart: I'll "Etch it-Sketch it" for you. [grabs an Etch it-Sketch-it and begins sketching] Etch-sketch-etch-sketch! [hands it to Marge who gasps in horror]
Marge: [giving it back to Bart] SHAKE IT OFF! SHAKE IT OFF!
Bart: [rapidly shaking the Etch it-Sketch-it] IT WON'T COME OFF!
Marge: [Bart throws it on the floor face down] Where's the hammer?! [runs to get the hammer, returns and smashes the Etch it-Sketch it]
Kent Brockman: While our brave firemen recuperate, Springfield is a town without a fire department -- which is bad news for people like this man. [camera pans out to show man trapped in a burning house] Sir! How does it feel knowing that no one is coming to save you?
Man: Not as bad as knowing that somewhere gays are marrying each other! That's the real emergency, Kent.
Kent Brockman (on Smartline): Homer, have we started down a slippery slope to which marriage becomes so meaningless that anyone can marry any-thing?
Homer: Oh, Kent, not anything. It has to exist...or does it?
Rev. Lovejoy: Call me old fashioned, but I believe marriage is described in the Bible!
Homer: If you love the Bible so much, why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife. And you're the wife! Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You owe me two hundred bucks.
Lovejoy: Homer, your impulsive marriages are going to lead to a lot of divorces.
Homer: Which will lead to a lot more impulsive marriages, putting more green in the blue, the blue being my pants!
Kent Brockman (covered in golden chains): Thank you, Mayor Simpson. Because of you, we are all taking golden showers. (people off-camera laugh) What?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 28th, 2007 Kent Brockman: Well sir, "treason season" started early this year, as a nuclear sub was hijacked my local man Homer Simpson. (backdrop shows photo of Homer dressed in a Cossack outfit performing the Cossack dance)
Marge: Oh my god!
Lisa: I told him that photo would come back to haunt him.
Kent Brockman: Top o' the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon! Kent O' Brockman reporting live from Main Street, where today where everyone is a little bit Irish, except of course for the gays and the Italians.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007Kent Brockman: Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over, 'conquered' if you will, by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007 Kent Brockman: Professor, would you say it's time for our viewers to panic?
Professor: Mmm, yes I would, Kent.