Krusty the Clown Quotes
Krusty: Damn that Brockman! There are only two rules in TV -- don't swear and don't whip it out! It's not rocket science!
• Rating 4.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Serpent: I'll be snaking those jewels and venom gotta go! Sorry I didn't asp your permission. Hope that's cobra-setic.
Krusty: Hey jerk! Puns are lazy writing! [Serpent shoots him]
Krusty: Hey, I do more than TV! I had a one-man show on Broadway! That's who all showed up...one man!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007Krusty: I want to clear up a misconception about the Wha-Cha-Ma-Carcass Sandwich. I used non-diseased meat from diseased animals! Everyone does it!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007# Homer: Let's tell Krusty!
Marge: What will that do?
Homer: Come on. His reaction would be priceless!
(later)
Homer (in Krusty's office): Apu is cheating!
Krusty (depressed): That's sad. All those kids.
Homer: I think he's building up to something.
Krusty: Now I would like to warn you that our performances tend to make audience members blurt out hidden secrets.
Claudius (Moe): Oh boy...
Hamlet (Bart): Ah HA! Methinks the play's the thing! Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king!
Claudius: Catch my conscience, what?
Hamlet: You're not supposed to hear me, that's a soliloquy.
Claudius: Okay, I'll do one too. Note to self: Kill that kid!
Krusty: And if your idea of a first date is burning down a village, you just might be...a viking! [laughter]
Viking: O hohohoho. That's what I get for sitting up front eh? [sets a nearby table on fire and carries the two lady's sitting there away]
Bart: Dad!
Homer: Whoops! Sorry, Son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown.
Krusty: Well, they are, so make with the loofah or get out.
Krusty: Where is that stinkin' monkey?
(Krusty's assistant monkey rollerskates in)
Krusty: It's about time. Give me those reviews. "Last night's comedy benefit delivered wall-to-wall laughs without exception." Phew. "The only exception was the embarrassingly dated humor of Springfield's green-haired, red-nosed hack-- [flips pages] Yeah, yeah, yeah, "Krusty the Clown." No!
Sideshow Mel: They say any publicity is good publicity.
Krusty: You, sir, are an idiot.
(monkey chitters, offers a banana)
Krusty: Aw, that's your answer to everything! Look at my life. I'm talking to a monkey and a-- I don't know what the hell you are.
Sideshow Mel: You can be so cruel when you're sober.
Krusty: Well, I'll fix that. I'm goin' on the bender to end all benders.
Krusty: Uh-huh. Charity, eh? What's my cut? Nothing? I make more than that takin' a "schwitz."
Jay Leno: He seems reluctant.
Bart: Tell him it will count towards his community service.
Krusty: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right, I'll do it. [groans] Boy, swipe one pair of Haggar slacks and you're payin' for it the rest of your life.
