Lily Aldrin Quotes (Page 6)
Lily: On Monday I'm going to have to tell my kindergarten class, who I tell not to run with scissors, how my fiancee ran me through with a broadsword.
Marshall: Technically, it didn't go all the way through.
Lily: I'm sorry, were we having a discussion about the degree to which you stabbed me?
Robin: So what was it, a c**kroach or a mouse?
Lily: It was a c**kamouse!
Robin: A c**kamouse?
Lily: It was some mutant combination of the two. It was like a c**kroach and a mouse, you know...
Barney: Did the horizontal, ten-legged, interspecies tango?
Ted: Come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever if the slutty pumpkin turned out to be my future wife?
Lily: Oh, on the off chance that could happen, maybe we should stop calling her the 'Slutty Pumpkin'.
Barney: You know what I love about Halloween. It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. A girl dresses up like a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse-
Lily: Wow, we get it.
Barney: She's a slutty nurse.
Lily: Guess what came in the mail today?
Marshall: Our costumes? Do they rule?
Lily: They rule. And yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year.
Marshall: [deep voice] Tarzan nipple blue.
Lily: Hey
Robin: Hey
Lily: Marshall just ditched out on our own party. Could you get me in there? I kinda need to kill him
Robin: Actually I can't even get myself in. I was such a dork. I get recognized one time and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. I'm no VIP, I'm not even an IP; I'm just a lonely little P sitting out here in the gutter.
Lily: You know something, I'd take a P in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day.
Lily: [seeing Barney's shiny shirt] Hey, we wore the same the shirt! No, wait, that's just my shirt reflected in yours.
Barney: One of the 24 similarities between women and fish are they're both attracted to shiny objects. Don't you ever read my blog?
Ted's Date: Back When I lived in LA I was pretty broke, so I spent a month making adult films.
Ted: Wow ... uh, ok. How many did you make?
Ted's Date: 175.
Lily: Say what you want about the porn industry, but they're hard workers.
Lily: Hey I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring. Me beautiful ring. Kinda, makes wear other stuff seems wrong... my shirt. Kinda dont wanna wear my shirt any more. Or my underwear. That's right, I'm not wearing any.
Marshall: [stop working and looks at Lily] No underwear?
Lily: Not even slightly.
Ted: [talks about Robin] She wants casual... Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? 'cause it's a game. I wanna to skip to the end and to the whole happily ever after thing. But you don't get there, unless you play the game.
Marshall: So you gonna ask her out?
Ted: yes. NO! I cant ask her out because if I ask her out I'm ASKING HER OUT. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out?
Lily: Did you guys get high?