Lisa Simpson Quotes (Page 10)
Lisa: (to Grampa) So, we wrote the cartoon, put your name on it and sent it in.
Bart: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for not doing anything?
Grampa: I figured, cause the Democrats were in power again.
Bart: (to Grampa Simpson) We need to know your first name.
Grampa: Auuuugghh! You're making my tombstone!
Lisa: No, Grampa, we'd just like to know your name.
Grampa: Well, whenever I get confused, I just look at my underwear. (whips off underwear without removing pants) My name is...Abraham J. Simpson!
Lisa: (amazed) Grampa...how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Grampa: (confused) I...don't...know!
Lisa: I know! We'll write our own episode of 'Itchy and Scratchy'!
Bart: (confused) Cartoons have writers?
Lisa: Eh, sort of.
Lisa: Cheif Wiggum, how did you get these tickets?
Cheif Wiggum: Krusty knows how to play ball.
[Flashback: Krusty sits in a porno theater. Wiggum enters behind him.]
Cheif Wiggum: Ahhh...nothin' beats a good porno movie!
Krusty: (startled) Cheif Wiggum! Is this a bust?
Cheif Wiggum: Uh, yeah. That's what it is, a bust.
[Back to reality...]
Lisa: That story isn't appropriate for children!
Cheif Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
Lisa: I don't even know if I should go. I don't even like him!
Bart: You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest! I'll go, disguised as you!
Lisa: But what if he wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice!
Lisa: What if he wants a kiss!?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice!
Lisa: What if he...
Bart: You don't wanna know how far I'll go!
Lisa: (tripping out after drinking water from Duff boat ride) I am the Lizard Queen!!!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 16th, 2007 [Selma has agreed to take the kids to Duff Gardens]
Marge: Thanks for taking the kids on such short notice.
Selma: We'll have fun, won't we kids?
Bart: To get to Duff Gardens, I'd ride with Satan himself!
Selma: That's the spirit!
Lisa: Bye, Dad! Don't eat any solids!
Homer: But I love solids!
Bart: Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
Lisa: We feel neither highs or lows.
Homer: Really? What's it like?
Lisa: Meh. [shrugs].
[Lisa returns from seeing the Itchy & Scratchy Movie]
Bart: So, how was it?
Lisa: It wasn't that great...
Bart: Be honest.
Lisa: It was the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! And you wouldn't beleive the guest stars who did cameos! Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jackson - of course, they didn't use their real names, but you could tell it was them!
[Bart and Lisa run into the living room.]
Lisa: Dad! We did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart and Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: Okay, then!