Lisa Simpson Quotes (Page 2)
Lisa: (thinking) Oh, my God, my brother's my best friend!
Bart: (thinking) Oh, my God, my sister's my best friend!
Marge: (thinking) Diamonds! I still can't believe he gave me diamonds!
Homer: (thinking) Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the baldest of them of all?
Lisa (looking around at book shelves): "Everybody Poops: The Video"? "Yu-Gi-Oh! Price Guides"? There are hardly any books here at all!
Milhouse: But Krabappel wants a paper on Henry VIII and I have to score a pumpkin sticker or better on it.
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons.
Lisa: We're not paramedics!
Homer: I'll say.
Lisa: Look! It's J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books! You've turned a generation of kids onto reading.
J.K. Rowling: Thank you, young Muggle.
Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?
J.K. Rowling: [sigh] He grows up and marries you. Is that what you want to hear?
Lisa: [dreamily] Yes.
Lisa: Mom, Joan didn't really burn at steak, did she?
Marge: [hastly grabs the Book from Homer] No it says right here! Just as the flames were about to engulf Joan, SIr Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved her. They married and lived in a space ship. [begins eating the book] Easier to chew than that Bambi tape!
Homer: Our next story is Hamlet, by William Shakespeare.
Bart: Dad, these old stories can't compare with today's modern super-writers. Steven Bocho could kick Shakespeare's ass!
Lisa: Look, this story's more exciting than you think! Start's off with Hamlet's father getting murdered!
Bart: Cool! Does he get to marry his mom?
Homer: I don't know but that would be hot!
Lisa: (to Homer) Is it really worth risking your lives for some sugar?
Marge: Dessert's on! I steamed some limes!
Lisa: God speed
Lisa: [in jail] Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school.
Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ...[Homer joins in]
Homer and Bart: You're going to Stanford! You're going to Stanford!
Lisa: Take it back! Take it back!
Homer:
Marge: We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly?
Lisa: [walking to the closet where the board games are kept]Which version? [flips through different versions] We've got "Star Wars" Monopoly, Rasta-Mon-Opoly, Galip-Olopoly Edna Krabappoly ...
Marge: Let's stick to original Monopoly. The game's crazy enough as it is. [holds up one of the playing pieces] How can an iron be a landlord?
Moe: [to Lisa] Listen, I don't like you and you don't like me. But we both wanna stop Homer from shooting the turkey.
Lisa: You don't like me? I like you.
Moe: You do? Then I like you, too. Here, have a towelette.