Lisa Simpson Quotes (Page 6)
Lisa: Dad! I think a hurricane's coming!
Homer: Oh, Lisa! There's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.
Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1975, when the Hall of Records was mysteriously blow away!
Marge: Well most women will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a man, but those women are quitters!
Lisa: What?
Marge: When I first met your father, he was loud, crude, and piggish. But I worked hard on him, and now he's a whole new person.
Lisa: Mom...?
Marge: He's a whole new person, Lisa.
Lisa: Oh, there's something unsatisfying about scrubbing these rocks and I think I know what it is. (a wave washes a new coat of oil on the once-clean rocks)
Marge: Lisa, I know it's frustrating, but we made a commitment, and we have to see it through, no matter how unpleasant.
Cleanup guy: Quitting time. Okay. Scrub up and head for the communal tarp. We're having kelpburgers, and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvik, he's the Eskimo comedian.
(Marge and Lisa pause for a moment. Scene cuts to Marge and Lisa in the car, speeding away from the cleanup guy)
Lisa: Faster, Mom, faster!
Larry: I'm looking for this guy; anybody know him?
Bart: Sure, we know him. That's Mr. Burns.
Lisa: He tried to kill our puppies!
Marge: He sexually harassed me!
Grandpa: He stole my fiancée!
Homer: He made fun of my weight!
[Long pause. Then...]
Larry: Okay, so there's been some friction. Know his address?
Homer: Ooh, someone's traveling light!
Lisa: Maybe you're just getting stronger.
Homer: Heheh, well I have been eating more!
Marge: Cannons are designed to hurt! They're designed to hurt!
Lisa: Shhh! Mom, Dad needs our support!
Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm!
Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, dad.
Homer: Why thank you, honey.
Lisa: By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Hmm. How does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work; it’s just a stupid rock!
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Hmm... Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
Apu: Ohh, I fell asleep! I have forgotten everything that Mr. Homer taught me!
Lisa: Perfect. Let's roll.
Bart: What the hell is this? (watching "Amendment to Be")
Lisa: It's one of those campy '70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation X'ers.
Bart: We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little!
Bart: Lisa, if I ever stop loving violence, I want you to shoot me.
Lisa: Can do!