Lisa Simpson Quotes (Page 8)
Lisa: For five dollars, Milhouse could own you for a zillion years.
Bart: If you think he got such a great deal, I'll sell you my conscience for four-fifty. (Lisa walks away) I'll throw in my sense of decency too! It's the Bart Sales Event. Everything about me must go!
Bart: George Burns was right. Show business is a hideous bitch goddess.
Lisa: Cheer up, Bart. Milhouse is still going to need a true friend, someone to tell him he's great. Someone to rub lotion on him. Someone he can hurl whiskey bottles at when he's feeling low.
Bart: You're right, Lis! I can suck up to him! Like the religious people suck up to God!
Lisa: [Jumping up and down to get Marge's attention] Look at me! Grade me! Evaluate and rank me! I'm good, good, good and oh so smart! [drops to her knees] Grade meeeeee!!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Lisa: Relax? Relax?! I can't relax!! Nor can I yield, relent or... [pauses] ... only two synonyms? Oh my god, I'm losing my perspicacity!
[Runs away from the table screaming]
Homer: Well, it's always in the last place you look.
Homer: Lousy teachers, trying to pawn off our kids on us!
Lisa: But, Dad, by striking they're trying to effect a change in management so that they can be happier and more productive.
Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Marge: (after Bart moons the Australian Government, with "Don't tread on me" written on his behind) Bart, i really appreciate your patriotism, but i wish you would have done something a little more tasteful.
Lisa: I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt!
Lisa: Bart, water will only go the other way in the Southern Hemisphere.
Bart: What the hell is the Southern Hemisphere?
Lisa: Haven't you ever looked at your globe? (tears off wrapping paper on a gift with a tag reading "Happy Birthday! Love Grampa" on it). See, the Southern Hemisphere is made up of everything below the equ... (looks at Bart, who is staring blankly) ...this line.
Bart: So say in Argentina, and Rand McNally (pointing at Rand McNally logo on globe), all their water goes backwards?
Lisa: Uh-huh. (rolling her eyes) In fact, in Rand McNally, people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Bart: (impressed) Cool!
Bart: I was going to see if we could deal with this peacefully... but instead I just ripped the head off Mr. Honey Bunny!!
Lisa: Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.
Bart: (realizing what he's done) Ah!!! Mr. Honey Bunny!!
Lisa: You don't have the intelligence to rig an election by yourself, do you?
Bart: You were just Barlow's lackey!
Lisa: You were Ronnie to his Nancy!
Bart: Sonny to his Cher!
Lisa: Ringo to the rest of the Beatles!
Lisa: Dad, someone stole my saxophone.
Homer: Woo hoo!
Bart: Dad, someone stole our portable TV.
Homer: D'oh!