Liz Lemon Quotes (Page 4)
Liz: You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
Jenna: Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you're a good friend and thank you.
The Head: I see you're lookin' at my watch.
Liz: What?
The Head: It's cool, isn't it? That's a Japanese pie watch.
Liz: Oh, okay.
The Head: It tells time with those little pie pieces. Each piece is six minutes, so right now it's... six times four... 5:30? That can't be right.
Liz: My watch has these little hands that go around and point at numbers.
The Head: Hey, that's awesome possum.
Liz: (confused) Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I got this number under fertility in the Writers Guild Health Manual?
Dr. Spaceman: I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.
Liz: I'm not firing Josh.
Tracy: You always take his side.
[flashback]
Liz: Tracy, stop tasering him!
[return to present]
Tracy: See? I need to be respected, Liz Lemon.
Liz: Otherwise, Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he's gonna kill you and then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 12th, 2007 LIZ: "OH MY GOD!"
DENNIS (scrambles to turn off the TV): "Oh crap! That girl said she was 16, but I swear to God I could tell she was 22!"
LIZ: (furious) "Get OUT of my apartment!"
DENNIS: "This happened while we were broken up!"
LIZ: "No no no no no. I was right about you. This is a con, by the way. You on Dateline is a CON!"
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?
Liz: Hi, I work with Tracy Jordan, and I think he's having a reaction to some of the medication you've put him on.
Dr. Spaceman: I was afraid this might happen. You know, he's on so many different neuroleptics and tricyclics that there's no telling how they'll mix. But, what can you do? Medicine's not a science.
Liz: What exactly are you treating him for?
Dr. Spaceman: There's not really a name for what Tracy has. Basically, it's erratic tendencies and delusions brought on by excessive notoriety, and certainly not helped by my wildly experimental treatments. [Laughs] Boy, I'm being awfully open with you, Miss. I should not have taken those blue things.
Liz: So, is he dangerous?
Dr. Spaceman: No, he should be fine; so long as you keep him away from bright lights, loud music, and crowds. You know, I'll call in a prescription for something to settle him down as soon as possible. Do you need anything for yourself?
Liz: What? No! Just where can I pick up Tracy's prescription?
Liz: Why did you bump Jenna from Conan?
Jack: Because if I have a choice between an international movie star and a woman who does commercials for ShopRite…
Liz: No, no, no. Jenna doesn’t do those commercials anymore. She got fired
Jack: I don’t do these things just to drive you crazy, Lemon. I do them for the good of the show.
Liz: Well, I’m the one who always has to clean up the mess afterwards.
Jack: That’s why my job is way better than yours.
