Lois Griffin Quotes
Brian Griffin: Lois, my God, what happened?! We thought you were dead!
Chris Griffin: Mom, we thought Dad killed you!
Lois Griffin: No. He didn't, Chris. But someone tried to.
Peter Griffin: Do you remember who it was?
Lois Griffin: Yes I do. IT WAS STEWIE!
Stewie Griffin: Hello, mother. [Lois, looking out on the horizon, turns around to see Stewie standing behind her]
Lois Griffin: Stewie?! What the hell are you... how did you get here?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, there's a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, Lois. With all the indignities I've been forced to suffer day in and day out under your matriarchal tyranny!
Peter Griffin: Okay, explain to me what exactly I did wrong.
Lois Griffin: Peter, that story was completely inappropriate!
Peter Griffin: Well, send me the crap to Hell for being nostalgic about the early years of our marriage.
Lois Griffin: You've totally ruined this trip for me! I am mortified to even show my face around this ship!
Peter Griffin: Hey, the captain's the one who should be embarrassed. His story was gay.
Lois Griffin: YOU'RE gay!
Bonnie Swanson: Boy, they [the Quahog Men's Club] sure are making a lot of noise out there.
Lois Griffin: Those idiots have done nothing but hang out in that stupid shed for the last two days!
Bernice: We should crash that party!
Lois Griffin: Hey, you know what, Bernice is right! They're always trying to get away from us! We should march in there and remind them that they have wives.
Muriel Goldman: Especially if they have food, because bar food is so overpriced.
Bernice: Man, who invited Anne Frank
Lois Griffin: Hey, and look on the bright side. Maybe you've got another chapter for your [bursts out laughing] book! [the rest of the family joins in]
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, pile it on! Pile it on!
Chris Griffin: Welcome home, asshole!
Lois Griffin: So, Meg, any luck finding another job?
Meg Griffin: No. Hardly anybody's hiring right now. The only job I could find was for a phone sex line, and I sucked at it.
Lois Griffin: I mean, what are you, Brian? One of those creepy guys who just uses a woman for sex? [as Lois is talking, an ad for "The Simpsons: Sundays on FOX" appears on the screen with a small Marge waving to the camera. Then a small Quagmire runs onto the screen, knocks Marge over, and tries to have sex with her. Marge resists and then kicks Quagmire off her and runs away while Quagmire, with his pants down, chases her] Because Jillian deserves better! She has feelings, you know? And she's devoted a lot of time and energy to this relationship with some expectation that it could grow into something much more significant and, if you're just stringing her along, well, then, I've got to say I've lost a lot of respect for you, Brian.
• Vote for this Quote! • November 6th, 2007 Brian Griffin: You don't really think I'm like that, do you?
Lois Griffin: Prove me wrong.
Brian Griffin: All right, I will, Lois. I will ask her to move in with me and you'll see, I've got what it takes.
Brian Griffin: Don't you understand? I don't want a committed relationship with Jillian!
Lois Griffin: Well, it sounds like she does. And if you're never gonna get serious, then you're not being fair to her.
Lois Griffin: Oh, hi, Brian. I thought you were spending the day with Jillian.
Brian Griffin: I was, but Peter took her off my hands. Perfect timing; I've been feeling a little smothered lately. Plus, it's given me a chance to work on my novel. And I finally have a title.
Lois Griffin: Oh, what is it?
Brian Griffin: "Faster Than the Speed of Love".
Lois Griffin: [chuckles] That is... that is the worst title I've ever heard.
Brian Griffin: No, i-it's the story of a boy who has to rescue his father, who's a pilot that's been taken captive by a militant Islamic country.
Lois Griffin: [laughs] That's the movie Iron Eagle!
Brian Griffin:What? Is that-is that a recent film?
