Lois Griffin Quotes (Page 11)
Stewie Griffin [from upstairs]: Meg! Meg, I'm hungry! There's a granola bar in the cupboard. I want it! Hey. Hey! What's this? What's going on? Am I talking to myself up there?
Meg Griffin [angrily]: Oh my God, Stewie, just shut up and go to bed!
Stewie Griffin: Do you know what I do, Meg? I spit in your mouth while you sleep.
Meg Griffin: Finally! Look, Mom, I've had it. I am not baby-sitting anymore. It's Saturday night, I could be out, HAVING A LIFE.
Lois Griffin: Meg, if you don't want to babysit anymore, that's fine. But don't you stand there and lie to me about Meg having a life.
Peter Griffin: Oh, Meg, she torched your ass, man. She torched your ass!
Chris Griffin: No, Doug, I will not lift up her shirt!
Lois Griffin: Chris, we have company!
Peter Griffin: So, you , uh...you ever been with a woman?
Brooke Roberts: Um...no.
Lois Griffin: Peter!
Peter Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Attention, restaurant customers. Testicles. That is all.
Lois Griffin: [takes the mic from Peter] Give me that! Sorry, folks. Oh, my God, is that what my voice sounds like? It's... it's all whiny and nasaly... bleh!
Lois Griffin: Okay, Peter, this is for the win. Say the word "what".
Peter Griffin: Oh...wow. Okay, um...this, uh, really separates the men from the boys. Uhhhh...
Lois Griffin: Peter, just say "what."
Peter Griffin: Ah, ah, ah, ah, now Lois, Lois, this is not a race. Um, okay I wanna say "who" ...uh, oh boy, uh... Fantastic Four... Fantastic Four, uh, steak, steak, steak, steak, uh, small amount of peas... um, is it "what"?
Lois Griffin: That's right. You win, Peter! You did it!
Peter Griffin: Oh my God, I won. I won!
Chris Griffin: My dad's smarter than your dad!
Meg Griffin: We have the same dad, idiot!
Chris Griffin: Yeah, but mine's smarter!
Lois Griffin: Okay, here we go. What color is a fire truck?
Peter Griffin: Ah, oh God, I always get these. Um, okay, uh, alright, fire truck...fire truck, fire truck, fire truck, fire truck, what color are those red fire trucks? Uh, oh God, I can picture 'em now, all red and everything...
Lois Grifin: Well, now that the mess is all cleaned up and we're back from the emergency room, it's time for the last game of the night, Trivial Pursuit.
Peter Griffin: Oh, man, I hate Trivial Pursuit. Always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian Griffin: More stupid than that time you locked your keys out of the car?
[cut away to Peter sitting in his car]:
Peter Griffin: Damn it. H-hey, hey! Somebody! Hey!
Peter Griffin: Cleveland, Quagmire's sleeping with your wife!
Lois Griffin: What?
Cleveland Brown: Quagmire slept with Loretta?
Lois Griffin: Oh, oh, my god, Cleveland, I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.
Cleveland Brown: It's okay.
Brian Griffin: It's okay? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
Cleveland Brown: Better it be Quagmire than someone she could get a disease from.
Emperor Palpatine: Good... Let the hate flow through you.
Lois Griffin: You're not helping!
Meg Griffin: [after sex] Wow, Jimmy. That was everything Ladies' Home Journal said it would be.
Jimmy Fallon: [in bed, snickering]: Awesome. Great. Thanks. Um, you know, there's something I... there's something I've gotta tell you. Being with you makes me feel so a-live from New York, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
[Lois and Peter watch in the green room]
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, that wasn't a very good opening sketch, was it? A rare miss.
Lois Griffin: I don't think that was a sketch, Peter.
Meg Griffin: Mom, Dad! He used me for comedy!
Peter Griffin: Wait a minute, are you telling me that my daughter was deflowered in front of one-and-a-half times the MADtv audience?
Peter Griffin: Alright, Dr. Ditty. I got three choices for you for the name of the band: Peter Griffin Starship, Peter Griffin and the Sunday Steppers, or Testicular Sound Express.
Dr. Ditty: I think the name is Meg.
Meg Griffin: Me? Why?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, why?
Dr. Ditty: Let me explain something to you, all right? We got to get her half-naked and put her out front, center stage. And that's gonna make y'all billionaires, because America loves hot, white, jailbait ass.
Peter Griffin: Wait a minute...that's the smartest thing i've ever heard anyone say about anything.
Lois Griffin: I'm not sure I'm comfortable with Meg being exploited that way.
Meg Griffin: Shut up, mom! It's not your decision, I want to be exploited.
