Lois Griffin Quotes (Page 13)
Lois Griffin: Now I don't want to hear another word about this.
Peter Griffin: [in sign language] She won't have to hear another word, because we've mastered American sign language!
Chris Griffin: [in sign language] Ha ha ha!
Lois Griiffin: You'll have to excuse Peter, he can be a little tactless sometimes.
Brian Griffin: Yes, like the time he soiled himself at that dinner party?
[cut to Peter and Lois' dinner party. Peter sits with a blank look on his face]
Lois Griffin: I was so sorry to hear that your father passed away.
Woman: Yes. It spread through his body so fast, but, he's at peace now, and the whole f-
Peter Griffin: UH-OH!
Lois Griffin: I can't believe you squandered that money! I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child.
[cut Peter and Lois' wedding]
Peter Griffin: [pointing at her breasts, then her crotch] What can I say about my beautiful bride except... milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, fudge is made!
Peter Griffin: Lois, no one really needs glasses.
Meg Griffin: You wear glasses.
Peter Griffin: That's only to fool the man from the draft board.
Brian Griffin: Ask me how the queen of England is.
Lois Griffin: How's the queen of-
Brian Griffin: She's great.
Lois Griffin [after Peter loses his bones]: Kids, we just have to learn to accept this, like one of those stories on Dateline where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside. They're dead. And that'll be our lives, hmm?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Peter, are you ever gonna forgive me?
Peter Griffin: Lois, I am obligated to keep loving you, so I will take my rage out on my own body. Let's go to Denny's.
Lois Griffin: Why is everybody glaring at us?
Peter Griffin: Why, Lois? I'll tell you why. Your-your faux-pas last night at the concert was so upsetting I had to call a university professor to tell me what phrase I should use to describe it.
[cut to last night; Peter is on the phone]
Professor: Use, "faux-pas".
Peter Griffin: Thanks, Professor!
Peter Griffin: You've been living a lie all these years. You represented yourself as a KISS fan, and why? To make me look foolish.
Lois Griffin: No, to make you happy. I wanted to share in all aspects of your life, Peter, but I've just was never that big of a KISS fan.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I should have guessed that when you were willing to dress up as Peter Criss. No one wants to be Peter Criss, Lois, not even Peter Criss!
Peter Griffin: HEY, YO LOIS!
Lois Griffin: WHAT?
Peter Griffin: I'm packing for Kiss-stock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
Lois Griffin:You mean the pair with the rip in the right butt check from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trotts?
Peter Griffin: No, no the pair with the whole in the left butt check from when I held it in for two hours 'cause it was that extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it go in the vestibule after mass and it sounded like Louie Armstrong.
Lois Griffin: Oh! Bottom drawer.
Lois Griffin: Hello?
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Lois. Is Peter there?
Lois Griffin: Oh, hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home. We're, uh... we're having some minor marital problems. Our therapist has advised us to date other people.
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Lois, you want to go out?
Lois Griffin: What? well, I don't know, Glenn. Peter and I just separated. I feel like I need more time.
Quagmire: How about now?
