Lois Griffin Quotes (Page 3)
Lois Griffin: Oh, it is so good to be home. You know, I wanted us to live in a place with real family values, but values don't come from where you live or who your friends are. They come from inside, from your own beliefs.
Peter Griffin: I agree, Lois. Like, for instance, if you're watching a TV show and you decide to take your values from that... you're an idiot. Maybe you should take responsibility for what values your kids are getting. Maybe you shouldn't be letting your kids watch certain shows in the first place if you have such a big problem with them, instead of blaming the shows themselves. Yeah, that's right.
Lois Griffin: ...and lately, this family has been lacking moral fiber. Especially you, Meg.
[cut to Meg on the couch. Her body is literally deflated. Stewie is sitting in the arm chair next to her]
Lois Griffin: Meg, what happened to you?!
Stewie Griffin: She can't answer you. She can't even talk. Ever since she started smoking pot, she just kind of lays there. It's really sad... and a tiny bit funny. Oh, my God, I think I'm getting a contact high.
Lois Griffin: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Glenn Quagmire: Well you know, Lois, I... I gotta confess, uh, when you called me, I sort of misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but uh... it's fine, it's fine, whatever. I'm happy to help.
Carol Pewterschmidt: Well Lois, this is an unexpected surprise. You and Peter should drop by more often.
Lois Griffin: Well we were in the neighborhood and Peter said let's stop in. Wasn't that thoughtful?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Will you people quiet down?! I'm trying to watch Medium.
Lois Griffin: You know what? Daddy's right. Let's go upstairs where we won't bother him.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Good. Alright! Go medium! Wish I could talk to ghosts. That'd be sweeeeeet.
Lois Griffin: Oh, God. I've been a worse wife than Lorena Bobbitt when she was married to The Thing.
[cut to The Thing, looking for something]
The Thing: Oh my God, where is it? Where'd she throw it? Oh, God! Oh, God!
Lois Griffin: Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?
Bill Clinton: Well, that depends on what your definition of the word "Jizz" is.
Peter Griffin [walks in on Bill and Lois]: Hey, Bill, you up for a little bowling? I swiped some money out of Lois' purse. I don't think she'll notice 'cause she's here, humping you?!
Lois Griffin: [gasps] Peter, look, I know this looks bad, and I feel horrible, and-and I know nothing I could say to you could possibly justify why I slept with Bill, except... I mean, Peter, the man presided over the longest economic expansion in U.S. History and... he reduced the percentage of Americans on welfare to it's lowest level in 33 years!
Bill Clinton: Thirty-five years.
Lois Griffin: Thirty-five years, Peter!
Bill Clinton: Hey, you up for a little NAFTA?
Lois Griffin: What's that?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon F**king That Ass! [chuckles]
Brian Griffin: Ahh, ahh, what the hell?!
Lois Griffin: No! No! You do not go on this lawn! Brian, I've had enough of this. It's more disgusting than when you gave me that Christmas gift.
[cut to the living room on Christmas Day]
Lois Griffin: Oh, what is it, a little birdie? Ah... oh, my God, it's dead! [she picks it up; everyone but Chris and Stewie hold their nose] Brian! Oh! Oh, Brian, this is disgusting! Oh, my God, Get it out if here!
Brian Griffin: I'm... I'm sorry. I thought... I thought you'd like it.
Chris Griffin: [opens his present, a dead cat] Brian, I love it! I'm gonna call you Sticky head. I love you, Sticky head.
Lois Griffin: Brian, what is this on my shoe?
Brian Griffin: My poop?
Lois Griffin: [grabs a Kleenex and wipes her shoe] That's right, and it's disgusting. I am sick of you using the front yard as your bathroom. It's time you learn to use the toilet like everyone else.
Stewie Griffin: [grabs Kleenez] Ah, I'm gonna sneeze, I'm gonna sneeze, I'm gonna sneeze, I'm gonna sneeze! [grabs Lois' Kleenex and sneezes] Ah-choo! [sees what was on it] AHHHHHHHHHH!!
