Lois Griffin Quotes (Page 5)
Lois Griffin: Peter, I don't care what Mayor West has done. You can't just break the law!
Peter Griffin: Sure I can, I've been doing it all week. Like yesterday, I started a lovable gang of c**kney pickpockets.
Lois Griffin: Peter, have you been up all night watching chick movies?
Peter Griffin: Lois, before I found these movies, women only made me cry through my penis. Now they make me cry through my eyes.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you promised you'd come with me to see Autumn's Piano. Besides, you owe me big after the way you embarrassed me in front of Sandra Oh.
[cut away]
Lois Griffin: Oh my god, Sandra Oh, we loved you in Sideways.
Sandra Oh: Thank you.
Peter Griffin: WE SEE YOU, IN MANY MOVIES. I THINK ABOUT YOU, WHILE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE. I THANK YOU WITH ONE DOLLAR. [turns to Lois] That's a lot of money to them.
[after sex]
Peter Griffin: Oh, that was fantastic. Hey, where'd you get that tattoo on your lower back?
Lois Griffin: I don't know, Peter. Meth is a hell of a drug.
Peter Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: All right, Peter, you ready for role-playing night? Here comes Grimace! [Lois is dressed in a Grimace costume] Ya got some hamburgers I can steal, huh?
Peter Griffin: Lois, the Hamburglar steals hamburgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
Jillian: Hey, you wanna know something cool? I threw up a lot in high school, so I don't get my period anymore!
Lois Griffin: Wow, this is the one you've been waiting for, huh, Brian?
Lois Griffin: What the hell? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, it's all him or her's fault. Who does he or she think he or she is? Look, you can totally see his or her nipples. That's obscene, maybe.
Lois Griffin: There's only one thing to do.
Peter Griffin: You're right. We got to find this Marilyn Manson and I got to give that bastard or bitch a piece of my mind or penis.
Lois Griffin: Chris, you can't join the Army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines... those are the men you wanna f**k.
Peter Griffin: Are you kidding, Lois? The army's great! You get to save money for college, there's free food, and all the brown people you can rape.
Lois Griffin: Oh. My God, it's hot! Brian, did you turn off the air conditioner?
Brian Griffin: Just open a window. Air conditioners are harmful to the ozone layer.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, please. Save your hippie B.S. for the winter months, okay?
Thelma Griffin: [on the phone] Hello?
Peter Griffin: Uh, hello, yes, this is... uh... this is Tom Tucker's personal physician, Dr. T and the Women. Um, could you tell Tom his contagious penis cancer medicine is ready?
Thelma Griffin: Is this Peter?
Peter Griffin: Uh, no, it's, uh, uh, Lois. Uh, Lois, don't crank call my mother! I'm gonna have to pinch you for that!
Lois Griffin: Ow! Peter, Don't pinch me! Ow! Stop it! Ow!
Peter Griffin: Ow! Damn it! Cut it out! Maybe I'll tickle you, huh? How about that?
