Lois Griffin Quotes (Page 7)
Peter Griffin: [In bed with Lois] I can't wait to see the expression on Joe's legs when I open my multiplex.
Lois Griffin: I have to say, I'm a little concerned about the zoning for the... Peter, are you peeing in that skull?
Peter Griffin [sarcastically]: No, Lois, I'm getting up and walking all the way to the bathroom and doing it there. Pain in the ass.
Lois Griffin: Peter, stop it! God, you're more clueless than Popeye.
[cut to Dr. Hartman's office, where he is giving Popeye a checkup]
Dr. Hartman: Sir, I think you should know, these growths on your forearms... they're giant tumors.
Popeye: [gibberish] Oh, dear!
Dr. Hartman: Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't realized this is not how a human being is supposed to look.
Popeye: [gibberish]
Dr. Hartman: And the speech thing, and what you're doing with your eye, uh, you had a stroke about seven years ago.
Popeye: [gibberish]
Dr. Hartman: That you've managed to be walking around all this time is nothing short of a miracle.
Popeye: [gibberish]
Dr. Hartman: I'd say about two months.
Peter Griffin: I've steered our family through bigger problems, like when we were cartoon sketches on The Tracey Ullman Show.
[cutaway to a crude, Simpsons-like rendering of the Griffins in the front lawn, standing by a tombstone]
Lois Griffin: Well, that's the end of Puss. He was the best cat anyone ever had.
Peter Griffin: Say, Lois, whaddya say we go downtown and buy a dog?
Brian Griffin: Hey, wait a minute, you already have a dog!
Chris Griffin: So long, Puss.
Meg Griffin: We'll miss you.
Stewie Griffin: It's gonna be quite a different place with him gone, that's for true.
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude, so, um, we'll just, uh, head out and, uh...let you be nude. [Brian and Stewie slowly walk out the front door backwards]
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Lois Griffin: Hey...hey, Brian...he's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door! Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian, what's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh... Lois, Peter.
Lois Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable.
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois, look how short Stewie is. He's so short!
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God, he is short!
[Peter and Lois are high]
Peter Griffin: That's... that's my favorite picture of Brian, over there on that wall.
Lois Griffin: He wants to have sex with me so bad! He-he's not... he's not gonna get to! [falls on her face. Peter giggles, then takes a bite out of his guitar]
Lois Griffin: You know, it would be fun to write some new songs.
Stewie Griffin: You know what else is fun? Watching Mr. Belvedere without people talking so loud.
Lois Griffin: So I was thinking we could ...
Stewie Griffin: [singing] STREAKS ON THE CHINA, NEVER MATTERED BEFORE, WHO CARED? WHEN YOU DROP-KICKED YOUR JACKET, WHEN YOU CAME THROUGH THE DOOR, NO ONE GLARED!
Peter Griffin: Lois, last night was amazing.
Lois Griffin: It was, wasn't it?
Peter Griffin: Fat sex is the hottest sex we've ever had. There were so many boobs, I didn't know whose boobs I was grabbing; your boobs or my boobs.
Lois Griffin: Peter, stop it! For God's sakes, you're embarrassing me!
Peter Griffin: Not as embarrassed as I was when I got that job entertaining prison inmates.
[cut to Peter in a prison yard without his shirt on]
Bald Prisoner: Do it again, Griffin!
Peter Griffin: Aw, come on! I just did it like five times...
Mustached Prisoner: Do it!
Peter Griffin: [singing, dancing, holding boobs together] Myyyy milkshake bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you but I have to char-r-r-rge!
