Lois Griffin Quotes (Page 9)
Lois Griffin: So, Doctor, is Peter healthy?
Dr. Hartman: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!
Peter and Lois: What?
Dr. Hartman: [pulls out a newspaper] Oh, Hägar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter Griffin: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, huh?
Dr. Hartman: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Aaaahhh!
Lois Griffin: Hi, honey. How was your physical?
Peter Griffin: Uh, good, good, good, yeah, yeah. Uh, too good, matter of fact. You know what the doctor said? Doctor said I was too healthy. You know? In-in-in too good of shape. Don't even know how. Too good of shape.
Lois Griffin: You didn't go to your physical, did you?
Peter Griffin: Uh, I did not.
Peter Griffin: Put this on.
Brian Griffin: Why?
Peter Griffin: Because, I'm skipping my physical to go have steaks with the guys, and I don't want Lois to know about it.
Brian Griffin: Um...okay.
[in the next scene, the horse suit walks past the couch]
Peter Griffin: [inside horse suit] Lois, I'm going to my physical now.
Lois Griffin: Okay, hunny, I'll see you later.
[Peter and Brian in the car, driving to the steak house]
Brian Griffin: Um... what, what the hell. I'll just ask it: Why did we need the horse suit for that?
Peter Griffin: Sometimes I think I should have married that woman I met the night of my bachelor party.
[cut to Lois as a young woman, walking out of a bar with a drunk Peter]
Lois Griffin: Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here! Let's get you home.
Peter Griffin: Wow, strange lady! You're so sexy. I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain in the ass Lois.
Lois Griffin: Peter, it's me!
Peter Griffin: You know what? Screw it. I am so gonna cheat on Lois right now. I don't care if she finds out.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I-
Peter Griffin: You got a condom? N-never mind... I got this Milky Way wrapper.
Meg Griffin: That's where I go to make out with my boyfriend, Darren.... Mitchelstork. Yep, he's, uh, he's the... chairman... of the... soccer... ball team.
Lois Griffin: Well, all right. Make sure you practice safe sex, Meg! [laughs] You little LIAR!
Lois Griffin: Peter, what are you doing? What is all this stuff?
Chris Griffin: Dad's starting his own TV station, but I'm not supposed to tell Mom because she's just gonna bitch him out.
Lois Griffin: You like eating red carpet, tough guy?!
Peter Griffin [in pain]: YES!
Lois Griffin (off-screen): Say you like eating red carpet!
Peter Griffin (off-screen): I LIKE EATING RED CARPET!
Lois Griffin: Oh, I wonder how your father's first day of work went.
[Peter drives up to the kitchen window and beeps the car horn]
Meg Griffin: Dad? What the hell are you doing!?
Peter Griffin: Uh, yeah, hey buddy. Uh, I'll have a triple cheeseburger and large fries and uh... do you sell pants?
Peter Griffin: Aw, Chris, buddy, thank god you're okay!
Chris Griffin: Hi, Dad!
Peter Griffin: Hey, this has been driving me crazy. Who was the chick on Remington Steele?
[Stewie picks up]
Stewie Griffin: Hello?
Chris Griffin: Stephanie Zimbalist?
Stewie Griffin: No, Stewie Griffin. Who's this?
Peter Griffin: Ah, thank you.
Lois Griffin: Chris, what are you doing down there?
Chris Griffin: Relax, Mom, i'm having a great time.
Stewie Griffin: You people knocked me off the modem!
Lois Griffin: When are you coming home?
Peter Griffin: How's the food in South America?
Stewie Griffin: Do the women there have exposed clitterati?
Chris Griffin: I'll be home in a month, after people have forgotten I'm a freshman.
Lois Griffin: Well, please take care of yourself, honey.
[Meg joins conversation]
Meg Griffin: Hey, guys, is everyone on the phone?
Chris Griffin: Oh, I got to go. [hangs up]
Lois Griffin: Something's in the oven. [hangs up]
Peter Griffin: I lost a shoe. [hangs up]
Stewie Griffin: No no, don't leave me on the phone with her!
Meg Griffin: Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: Heeey. How's school?
Meg Griffin: Hi, Stewie.
Stewie Griffin: Listen, I am swamped, but, uh, Mom has kept me up to date on everything you're doing and I think it's just great. Hanging up now.
Lois Griffin: And to think, Brian, I was like a day away from having sex with you. [Brian's eyes open in shock] I was gonna push those beds together and take you around the freakin' world, Brian! But a nice pat on the head is just as good, huh? You want your ball? You want your ball?
Brian Griffin: No, Lois, I don't want the ball right now. I'll be in the basement.
Peter Griffin: Doing what?
Brian Griffin: WHAT DO YOU THINK? [family erupts in laughter]
Stewie Griffin: Oh... okay, somebody's gonna have to explain that to me.
