Marge Simpson Quotes (Page 6)
Homer: I didn't raise him to be a quitter. It must have been you. You quit every job you've ever had. Cop, pretzel vendor, church counselor, professional gambler.
Marge: He's doing what he thinks is best.
Homer: Well, if quitting is the best, maybe I should just quit my job! [Homer walks over to the phone and dials Mr. Burns' number.]
Mr. Burns: Ahoy hoy?
Homer: Mr. Burns? This is Homer J. Simpson, the father of the big quitter! Well, I just wanted to tell you I'm a big quitter, too! And I quit! [Homer winks twice.]
Marge: Homer, Mr. Burns can't see you winking.
Homer: So-- [screams, hangs up phone.]
Marge: He's going to need, uh... you know, protection.
Cashier: Sure... one helmet coming up.
Marge: I was thinking more of... protection... down there (points down).
Cashier: Oh, why didn't you say so? Kneepads. You got it.
Marge: [very nervous laugh] I'm talking about his [mumbled] personal area.
Cashier: Ah ha. Say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulder pads.
Marge: Look... I want a cup.
Cashier: Cup? Could you spell that.
Marge: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... oh my God!
Marge: Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table!
Homer: You said the breakfast table.
Marge: It's the same table!
Bart: Wow, so that's how Lisa got her sax!
Homer: Next, I'll tell you the origin of Maggie's pacifier!
Marge: What origin? We got it for $1.95 down at the Safeway!
Marge: I cannot believe this! I'm trying to give our daughter a head start in life, and you aren't helping a bit!
Homer: Marge, name one successful person in life who ever lived without air conditioning.
Marge: Balzac!
Homer: No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one.
Marge: But Balzac is the name-
Homer: [interrupting] "If ifs' and buts were candy and nuts..." um, how does the rest of that go?
Lisa: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Bart: Not if you called 'em stench blossoms.
Homer: Or crapweeds.
Marge: I'd sure hate to get a dozen crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy.
Homer: Not if they were called scumdrops.
Marge: It's wall-to-wall landmarks! The Williamsburg bridge! 4th Avenue! Governor's island!
Bart: Look, it's ZZ Top! [leans out the window and shouts] You guys rock!
Hasidic Jew: Eh, maybe a little...
Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work?
Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.
Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there aren't you?
Homer: Wha? That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road! [honks the horn]
Marge: Aww, Maggie, you got oatmeal all over. Homie, would you clean her off?
Homer: Can do. (puts Maggie on the floor) Laddie! (whistling) Come here, boy! Who wants to lick a messy baby?
Marge: You feel softer Homie.
Homer: I've been tenderized!