Marshall Eriksen Quotes (Page 2)
Lily: Oh my God! These pancakes are delicious!
Marshall: Yes! Thank you. I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.
Lily: Wow! Do you want to cook dinner tonight?
Marshall: Yeah, sure...How about pancakes?
Marshall: Um...hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe.
Ted: Hi.
Chloe: Hi.
Barney: Hi.
Chloe: It's nice to meet you guys. I'll be right back.
Marshall: Okay. [points her to restroom] It's right back there. [after she's out of sight] Right?! Right?!!! She's HOT! And she likes me; she likes Italian food, I also like Italian food. She likes Billy Joel; I also like....music. And I think...uh...we'll go out again!
Barney: Dude, you gotta ditch her.
Ted: Obviously.
Marshall: Wha...why?
Barney: She's got the..'Crazy Eyes'.
Ted: Dude...the eyes...they're CRAZY.
Marshall: What are you guys talking about, the 'Crazy Eyes'?
Barney: It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.
Ted: Nope, just pupils.
Barney: It's an indicator of future mental instability.
Marshall: She does not have the 'Crazy Eyes!
Ted: You just can't see it because you're afflicted with 'Haven't Been Laid In A While Blindness'.
Barney: She was too far away in the coffee place, but when I saw her up close just now...
[flashback to about one minute ago]
Marshall: Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe.
Ted: Hi.
Chloe: Hi.
Barney: Hi.
Chloe: It's nice to meet you guys.
[as she shakes Barney's hand, her eyes start spinning and glowing red]
Ted: [commenting on Marshall's Pumpkin Latte joke] Alright, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that: one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you! You should totally ask her out.
Marshall: You think?
Ted: Yea! That's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.
Marshall: Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups?
Ted: Mine says 'Ted'. No heart.
Barney: Mine says S..Sw...Swarley. How'd they get 'Swarley' from 'Barney'? Who would ever be called Swarley?
[Marshall and Ted grin]
Barney: Oh please don't start calling me Swarley.
[Marshall and Ted continue grinning]
Barney: This would never happen at a bar! [he leaves]
Ted: Man, what's up with Swarley?
Marshall: I know. You almost never see ol' Swarles get that upset.
Ted: Psshh.
Ted: So I guess that decides it.
Marshall: Yep.
Barney: Hanging out at a coffee place not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.
Ted: ...Hey, what's that?
Marshall: What?
Ted: That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name! [in a sing-song voice] Somebody has a crush on you!
Barney: [in a sing-song voice as well] Somebody thinks you're me!
Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always!
Marshall: [to Ted] You know what dude, forget about Robin, okay? You're hanging with us tonight. I've got an awesome party lined up.
Barney: Oh, God. This gonna be another one of your weird all guy parties?
Marshall: That was a poker game, what is wrong with you? No, it's the first law school party of the year and it's gonna be awesome! I haven't seen these guys since like last year before Lily and I broke-up. Something I have to break to everybody. This party is gonna suck.
Lily: Hi Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things.
Ted's mother: Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your, you know the b... the b...[trying to say 'break-up' with her hands], well.
Marshall: Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me?
Lily: Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me?
Ted's mother: I love your hair!
Barney: Dude! You were awesome last night! You were charming, you were funny, you were totally working that girl!
Marshall: You went home with her!
Barney: Yes I did...
Ted: It's Sunday! It's Pancakes day!
Marshall: Lily always made the pancakes. God I loved her pancakes. So soft. So warm. So perfectly shaped.
Ted: Are we still talking about her pancakes? ...C'mon, you gotta eat something. What can I get you?
Marshall: Beer.
Ted: No, that's what you had for dinner.
Marshall: Fine! I'll just have leftovers. [pulls half-drunk beer out of couch]
Ted: Hey Marshall!
Marshall: Hey Ted.
Ted: You hungry?
Marshall: What's the point? I could eat some food...it's just gonna leave me.
Ted: Well, at least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping.
