Meg Griffin Quotes
Meg Griffin: What am I wearing? Um... a hat, and... glasses? [pause] What kind of underwear? Um... I don't know... big underwear, i guess. I'm sorry, what? Oh. What would I do to you? Well, um... I guess, maybe we could get pizza, and... we could watch House?
[cut to Peter in the bedroom, on the phone]
Peter Griffin: All right, I am totally flaccid, but thank you anyway, ma'am. I appreciate your time.
Lois Griffin: So, Meg, any luck finding another job?
Meg Griffin: No. Hardly anybody's hiring right now. The only job I could find was for a phone sex line, and I sucked at it.
Meg Griffin: Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained! That was a great story!
Chris Griffin: Yeah, but didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
Peter Griffin: Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. I-I don't know if people are even aware of that show's existence.
Chris Griffin: Well, I don't know, Dad. I think a decent number of people watch it.
Peter Griffin: Oh, really? Define "decent".
Chris Griffin: I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
Peter Griffin: Well, yeah, but double ten people is, like, twenty people, so, I mean, what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know?
Chris Griffin: Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch.
Peter Griffin: Uh, I-I don't know about that, Chris. I mean, to me a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the real networks.
Brian Griffin: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, uh, you kids develop any good pot connections at your school yet?
Chris Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: Yeah.
Brian Griffin: Ah. Lois, we'll be right back. Meg's gonna take me outside to poop.
Meg Griffin [typing on laptop]: Don't mind me, you guys. I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. [types aloud] "Dear My Boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg."
Chris Griffin: Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops.
[cut to Starbucks, where two men are typing on laptops]
Man 1: Hey, gettin' some writing done there, buddy?
Man 2: Yeah, settin' up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.
Man 1: Me too. All real writers need to be seen writing, otherwise, what's the point, right?
Man 2: You should totally write that down.
Man 1: Okay. Will you watch me?
Peter Griffin: Hey, Meg, come here. Have a seat.
Meg Griffin: Dad...what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Meg, I'm a Redneck. Which means I am about to do something to you that you will not remember until you're 40.
Meg Griffin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Peter Griffin: Meg, come back here! I meant sex!
Meg Griffin: I can't believe Grandpa's dead.
Lois Griffin: Well, he did kinda treat us like crap, but yes, it is a tragedy.
Brian Griffin: It is a tragedy.
Lois Griffin: Excuse us.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, we'll be right back.
[Lois and Brian go out on the lawn where they jump for joy. They high-five, then Brian grabs Lois' breasts and wags his tail. Lois smacks him into the garbage cans, then they go back inside]
Lois Griffin: We're all gonna miss him.
Brian Griffin: Tragic.
Lois Griffin: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turning...... huh?
Peter Griffin: Uh, Meg, uh, I got 16 candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
Meg Griffin: That's not right.
Peter Griffin: So, less... more... too many... uh, not enough... ?
Meg Griffin: You stupid son of a bitch! You don't even know how old I am!
Lois Griffin: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age... or is it?
Meg Griffin: I'm gonna be 17, you jerks!
Peter Griffin: She's the jerk.
Meg Griffin: Hi, honey.
Brian Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: I was thinking about our kiss last night... I never knew how flat and wide your tongue was.
Brian Griffin: Yeah...
Meg Griffin: You know, I thought about how you stood up for me at the dance and all the nice things you said. We should totally be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Brian Griffin: Well, Meg, uh... you know what's strange? Uh, I... I think I might be gay. Uh, I... I saw this penis on the Internet today and I thought to myself, "Well, that's... that's just fine."
Connie D'Amico: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave, but Brian can stay.
[she and another couple laugh]
Brian Griffin: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie D'Amico: Excuse me?
Meg Griffin: Brian, let's just go.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, hang on. Hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving hand jobs when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19 you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that, am I in the ballpark?
