Michael Kelso Quotes
Jackie on Laurie: Innocent? Okay Eric, no offence, but your sister is as slutty as they come.
Kelso: Eric, are you gonna let her say that about your sister?
Eric: Sure.
Jackie: Oh my god! Pink and purple with a unicorn! You remembered!
Kelso: Of course I remembered. I remember everything you tell me even when you think I don't.
Jackie: Really. What's my favorite season?
Kelso: Fall?
Jackie: Why?
Kelso: Uh, the outfits flatter your chestnut eyes.
Jackie: And?
Kelso: Slimming lines and dark colors.
Jackie: Oh my god, Michael! When you started acting like an immature jerk, I started having doubts about us. But now this purple and pink unicorn candy dish proves you're a grown up!
Kelso: Oh, this is great. Jackie's gonna get wedding fever. Man, all I'm gonna hear is, "Michael, at our wedding don't shove cake in my face." And, "You better know how to dance." And, "There will not be a trampoline." A wedding without a trampoline. That's crazy talk.
Hyde: Yeah, it'd be like a funeral without a dunk tank.
Kelso: She even knows what kind of china pattern she wants. Pink and purple with unicorns. Who wants to see a unicorn when they're eating pie?
Kelso: Why would you just cuddle with her, when you could do it? I mean, Forman, doing it is “it." That’s why they call “it” “it”! “IT”!!
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007[the guys are sitting in the circle and talking about Kelso and Jackie breaking up]
Kelso: Ya know guys, there are a lot of ladies out there and I haven't seen nearly enough of them naked. From now on, I'm gonna live free. I'm going to be boldly going where no man has gone before.
[the next seen shows the Forman's front door. The doorbell rings and Kitty answers the door. Kelso is standing there holding flowers]
Kelso: Is Laurie here?
Kitty: [Laughs] Don't you mean Eric?
Kelso: No Laurie. Your other kid.
[Hyde walks by and stops when he sees Kelso]
Hyde: You're dating Laurie? Man, you're going where every man has gone before.
Kitty: [Turns around] Steven it is not nice to be so... truthful.
[Laurie comes down the stairs]
Laurie: Hi Kelso.
[Notices the flowers]
Laurie: Did you buy those for me?
Kelso: Yep, just like you told me.
Laurie: No, I told you roses! Come on doofus!
[She walks out the door with Kelso]
Hyde: You know Mrs. Forman, those two could have the dumbest badies ever.
Kitty: [Starts to laugh then abruptably stops and turns toward Hyde] That's not funny
Kelso: You know, Hyde, seeing you work hard and take pride in what you do... I lost a lot of respect for you, man.
Fez: You used to be my hero. My lazy American hero.
[Eric, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez are in a bar. After ordering beer and Hyde claiming their in the military two attractive women walk up to their table.]
Charline: So, your in the military. What base are you from.
Hyde:[smiling] Its a secret military base.
Charlotte: I'm Charlotte and this is my sister Charline.
Kelso: Hi I'm... [in a manly voice] ...Ted.
Hyde: Seargeant Shaft.
Eric: You can call me Honcho
Fez: I am Eric Foreman
[Waitress delivers beer]
Charline: Oh, Sally, put that on our tab and bring everybody a round of shots.
Fez: What is going on?
Kelso: Their picking us up.
Fez: Ay, no.
Kelso: No, its a good thing.
Fez: Oh, okay!
Hyde: Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Kelso: [laughing] Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled and you cried.
Hyde: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding... You see my point?
Kelso: Yeah, it's funny when friends get hurt.
Hyde: Close enough.
Hyde: [after they painted a pot leaf on the water tower] It doesn't look like a pot leaf.
Kelso: What?
Hyde: It looks like a hand giving the finger.
Kelso: It doesn't have to look perfect Hyde, it's art!
Hyde: Get over there and make it better!
Kelso: Fine.
[Kelso climbs back up the railing]
Hyde: Just make it wider. Ok, out further though..right up there-
[Kelso falls off the water tower]
Jackie: Oh my God, Michael!
Hyde: Hey Kelso...
Kelso: Yeah?
Hyde: How does it look from down there?
Kelso: It looks like it's giving me the finger!
Jackie: [sitting atop the water tower] Oh my God. From up here, Point Place looks just like Paris.
Donna: You think that looks like Paris? No wonder you think Kelso could be a model.
Kelso: Whoa! I could so be a model.