Michael Kelso Quotes (Page 4)
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Kelso: A fashion model. No, a rock star!
Hyde: Prison.
Ricky: Tell me, what do you consider your best quality?
Eric: Well, I'm a real people person.
Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Kelso: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt too.
Kelso: Donna beat you in basketball?
Fez: Is this true, Eric?
Eric: Yeah. Is that a big deal?
Hyde: Of course not. Unless Donna happens to be... you know... a girl.
Kelso: Especially a girl you looooooove!
Fez: You know, in my country, if a woman beats you in something, that means she wants you.
Eric: Really?
Fez: Yes. But this is America. Wuss.
Kelso: Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss...
Hyde: Kelso! Would you stop that?... Wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss!
Eric: Wait, wait, wait. What about Kelso? I mean Jackie has him totally whipped.
Fez: Whipped like the family pig.
Kelso: I am not pig-whipped. Where are you guys getting this stuff?
Hyde: Are you kidding? (imitating Jackie) Michael, call me at eight!
Eric: Michael, do your Chico impression!
Fez: Michael, rub oil on my thighs while I spank you! (Kelso, Hyde and Eric give him blank looks) Please, someone else talk now...
Eric: Hey Kelso, quick question. Why can't you date someone a little less annoying?
Kelso: Like who?
Eric: Like Barbara Vansen.
Kelso: Eh, she's just as annoying.
Hyde: Yeah, but her boobs are huge!
Kelso: So?
Hyde: (showing his Playboy magazine to Eric & Kelso) Do you find that annoying?
Kelso: Pam Macy! Now she's got some knockers, baby!
Hyde: True, but they're not bigger than Barbara's.
Kelso: Yeah, they are.
Eric: You're dreaming. It's like comparing (Red walks in) Exodus and Deuteronomy, both of which have taught us very valuable lessons! Oh, hi Dad!
Red: Damn dryer's broken! Aw, I need my vicegrips... (exits)
Kelso: Have you seen Pam in a tube top? It's like you're lookin' at the Grand Tetons! In a tube top!
Hyde: Alright, look. The issue isn't if Pam's big. It's, "are they bigger than Barbara's?" Because Barbara's are bigger than... (Kitty comes in from upstairs) The Walls of Jericho, which as we all know came tumbling down, right?! (covering his Playboy) Hello, Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Hi. Eric, did your father come down here?
Eric: Yeah, he was fixing the dryer.
Kitty: Oh, dear. You know, ever since the plant cut back his hours, he's been spending all his time fixing things! Things that don't need fixing! Things I need, things I use, things I love! I gotta go hide the crockpot! (runs back upstairs)
Hyde: Sounds like your dad is losing it.
Kelso: Jeez. He's like this now, he's gonna be a total headcase if they shut down the plant. He's just gonna be this pathetic guy (Red enters) WITH BREASTS THE SIZE OF WATERMELONS! (realizing his mistake) is what Moses said to the Egyptians!
Red: Kelso, go home.
Kelso: Right, so, can we go already? I'm itching to release the hound here!
• Vote for this Quote! • March 26th, 2007Hyde: So Forman, the rally's tonight man, what's your decision?
Kelso: Yeah, are you gonna streak or not?
Donna: Don't pressure him.
Eric: No, I've been doing some thinking, and I'm in.
Hyde: Alright.
Donna: Well, you're gonna look like a bunch of idiots.
Kelso: A bunch of naked idiots.
Hyde: Look guys, we gotta do something that says we will not pay homage to a corrupt electoral system.
Fez: I know, a bloody coup!
Hyde: That's good, but we're looking for something great. Something that will make our founding fathers proud man, ya know?
Kelso: Let's streak!
Hyde: Bingo.
Kelso: I've always wanted to do that. Just run butt naked through a sea of people. Be free and shake it around! Alright, who's in?
Fez: Will people be chasing us with torches and pointy sticks?
Kelso: No.
Fez: Then, I am in.
Kelso: Great! Eric are you in?
Eric: Streaking, don't get me wrong, I'm completely pro nudity, but I think my dad might kill me and I'm anti being killed.
Hyde: Hey, if there wasn't some huge downside to doing something this stupid, it wouldn't be worth doing, ya know?
Donna: Good point.
Hyde: Oh, and I could write some really great slogan like 'I hate the fuzz!' on my ass.
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?
Fez: So, what did you get from Donna?
Eric: Nothing yet.
Kelso: Ohh! Maybe it's the big gift! You know, the really big gift! You guys know what I'm saying when I say the big gift, right?
Hyde: Yeah, we got it. And we got it.
Fez: I'm not even from here and I got it.
[Fantasy scene]
Donna: Now that the adults are gone, we can be as bad as we want!
Jackie: Who wants to give Eric a venereal disease?
Kelso: Hey look, coasters!
Hyde: Forget coasters.
Eric: Please fellas, my mom put out coasters for a reason.
Hyde: I think I'm gonna put my drink directly on the furniture. That way, it will leave a ring!
Eric: Noooo! Why, oh why, didn't I beg my mother to stay?
Fez: Quiet you silly American! I am making a long-distance call on your parent's phone!
Eric: But that's immoral!
Fez: Hah! In my country, of whereever it is I am from, I can never tell, morals get in the way of a good dirty time.
Kelso: So, Laurie, where is the party, you know, maybe we'll cruise by later.
Laurie: In your dreams you idiot.
Kelso: Okay, you guys had to see that!
