Michael Scott Quotes (Page 13)
Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Jan: Well, we haven’t made final decisions about personnel yet...but you’re a severance package person.
Jan: I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
Michael: I don’t understand.
Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch.
Michael: On whom’s authority?
Jan: The board’s.
Michael: This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's tribute to one of the greats, Mr. Adam Sandler. [singing] Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something, tonight has been one craaaaazy night! So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali! Everybody looks to jolly, but it's not Christmas its Diwali! The goddess of destruction Kali, stopped by to celebrate Diwali! Don't invite any zombies, to a celebration of Diwali! Along came Polly, so have fun at Diwali! If you're Indian and you like to party, have a happy happy happy happy Diwali! [speaking] HAPPY DIWALI!!!!
• Vote for this Quote! • June 28th, 2007 Pam: [As Michael leans in to kiss her] What are you doing?
Michael: What are you doing?
Pam: I'm rejecting your kiss.
Michael: [lengthy pause] Can I have a ride home?
Pam: If you sit in the back.
Michael: My Indian culture seminar was going great, until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally-explicit images. It's just sex, people! Everybody does it! I'm doing it! With Carol! Probably tonight.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 28th, 2007Michael: Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million. And that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 28th, 2007 Dwight: [interrupting Michael talking about M. Night Shamaylan] I see dead people.
Michael: Okay! Spoiler alert!
Dwight: He was dead the whole time.
Michael: Just stop it!
Dwight: Diwali is a celebration of the coronation of the God-king Rama, after his epic battle with Ravina, the demon-king of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil.
Michael: All right, all right. This isn't Lord of the Rings.
Michael: I love the people here, and if there's one thing I don't really care for, its that they can be terribly terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 28th, 2007 Michael: It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. You know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby!
Stanley: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.
Michael: Wh- Really? You should! It's fun!
