Michael Scott Quotes (Page 20)
Jan: I don't know what you're doing here, Michael, but it's very disruptive.
Michael: Just having a little "Guys in the Workplace" thing. [to the men] Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals, when sitting down is far more comfortable?
Jan: Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael?
Michael: "Women in the Workplace"...yeah, translation: I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls-- oh, sorry "women of the workplace." About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007 Michael: I just have a few things I want to say.
Jan: What are you doing?
Michael: Just hear me out. What is more important than quality? Equality. Now, studies show that today's woman, the "Ally McBeal woman" as I call her, is at a crossroads.
Jan: [warningly] Michael...
Michael: No, just-- you have come a long way, baby! But I just wanna keep it within reason. They did this up in Albany, and they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room, which is disgusting.
Jan: Now you're really not allowed in this session.
Michael: Well, I'm their boss.
Jan: I'm your boss.
Michael: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, "Uhh...no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007Michael: I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007Michael: I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a fan of anything Joe Rogan does actually.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007 Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well I hated it. A lot!
Michael:[After discovering someone has defecated in his office] You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. It's the only thing that makes any sense.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 26th, 2007 Michael: They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. I say an empty desk means an...
Dwight: Empty mind.
Michael: I was not going to say that.
Michael: What do you like best about Pam?
Jim: Oh, I really don't wanna talk about it.
Michael: What is it, is it her legs, her boobs, or?
Jim: Um, she's easy to talk to, I guess. And, she's got a really good sense of humor.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Mmm-hmm.
Michael: Never gets any of my jokes.
Jim: How 'bout you?
Michael: Her boobs. Definitely.
Jim: [surprised] Wow. That's not what I meant.
