Michael Scott Quotes (Page 26)
Michael: When I was Ryan’s age, I worked in a fast food restaurant to save up money for school. And then I lost it in a pyramid scheme, but I learned more about business right then and there than business school would ever teach me – or Ryan would ever teach me.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard "women and children first". But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007 Dwight: Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Michael: What the hell is a terrarium?
Dwight: It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Michael: I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007Michael: Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007 Michael: And, even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And, at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
Pam: He said WHAT?
Michael: When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007Michael: Todd Packer and I are total B.F.F.s, Best Friends Forever. We came up together in sales, one time we went to a bar and met these set of twins. And Packer said that we were brothers, one thing lead to another, and we took them to our hotel room...and Packer did BOTH of them!...It was awesome!
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007 Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael almost says it] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael nearly bursts trying not to say it] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!
Michael: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 19th, 2007
