Michael Scott Quotes (Page 4)
Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Michael: Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.
Stanley: Oh sweet mother of god.
Michael: If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
Stanley: Excuse me?
Michael: Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus.
Michael: Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?
Oscar: I don't wear a Speedo, Michael.
Michael: Well, you can't swim in leather pants. Haha! I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally.
Michael: What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like, what happens to a chicken when you take its head away? It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Michael: [after being asked to interview for a corporate position] I wish I had prepared something to say.
David: That's not necessary.
Michael: May God guide you in your quest.
David: ...Yes.
Michael: It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes, you just gots to get your freak on.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Michael: Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts — not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested.
Pam: What was the last one?
Michael: She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
Michael: I like cuddling and spooning, and she likes... videotaping us during sex...
Pam: Oh my god!
Michael: ...and then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
Karen: That is not healthy behavior.
Michael: No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Michael: What is a Pap smear? Or is it "schmear?" Like cream cheese.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Dwight: You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? He's a homosexual.
Jim: Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls.
Dwight: Those are collectible action figures. And they're worth more than your car.
Michael: You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.