Mr. Burns Quotes (Page 3)
Burns: People, if we meet this week's quota, I'll take you to the most duck-filled pond you ever sat by! (the old folks begin working faster)
Grampa: Oh, hot-diggity! That's how they got me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche!
Mr. Burns: Ooh don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel. (Lisa looks unimpressed) With enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds.
Lisa: There's a can.
Mr. Burns: "The whole plant is environmentally sound. It's powered by old newspapers, machinery is made entirely of used cans, and the windows are from the old liquor bottles we collected." (to Barney) "Hey! I thought I told you to stop licking my windows!"
Barney: "I know you told me. But when I woke up this morning, I said, 'Barney, you're not gonna lick that-'"
Burns: Bah, humbug.
Shary: Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite. [gives him one]
Burns: Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... [watches his kite] ...oh, look at it fly! Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Look at me, Smithers. [dark clouds gather ominously] I feel practically Superduperfragicalicexpiala-d'oh! [lightning strikes the kite and shocks Mr. Burns, knocking him on the ground] What's this strange sensation in my chest?
Smithers: I think your heart's beating again.
Burns: Oh, that takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins.
Burns: I don't like being outside, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007 Mr. Burns: I'm sorry, Larry. I can't be the family you need.
Larry: That's alright, Pop. I got a wife and kids. Hey, that reminds me! They're probably wondering where I am! I told 'em I was going for coffee. That was a week ago!
Burns: And to think, Smithers, you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster. [imitating Smithers] Nobody's going to pay a hundred-percent "service charge."
Smithers: It's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich and the ignorant, sir.
Homer: (to Mr. Burns, while pointing a gun to Mr. Burns' head) Tell them I never shot you!....before.
Mr. Burns: Shot? Hah. By you? I'm afraid not, my primitive friend. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity, nor the opposable digits to operate a firearm. The one who shot me was...(looks through the crowd, spots Maggie and points his finger) Ah! M-M-Maggie Simpson!
Mr. Burns: Take that, Bowlorama! Take that, covenience mart! Take that, nuclear power pl--oh, fiddlesticks.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Mr. Burns: Are you saying Boo...or Boo-urns?
Moleman: I was saying Boo-urns.