Mr. Burns Quotes (Page 5)
[The plant melting down, Mr. Burns gets into escape pod and shuts Smithers out.]
Smithers: For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!
Burns: I like to put my feet up.
Nuclear Regulatory Commission agent: I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown. There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!!
Burns: Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.
Nuclear Regulatory Commission agent: The box! The box!
Mr Burns: Look, Smithers! Garbo is coming!
Smithers: Uh... Yes, sir.
Mr. Burns: This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon, they'll have written the greatest novel known to mankind. (reads one of the typewriters) "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?!" You stupid monkey!
[The monkey screeches]
Mr. Burns: Oh, shut up.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh! New man?
Smithers: He thwarted your campaign for governor; you ran over his son; he saved the plant from meltdown; his wife painted you in the nude...
Mr. Burns: Doesn't ring a bell...
Mr Burns: Look at them all in the darkness I'm bringing, they're not sad at all, they're actually singing! [grabs Smithers by the shoulders] They sing without juicers. [pauses] They sing without blenders. [pauses] They sing without flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Homer: [thinking to himself] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: [thinking to himself] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: [thinking to himself] My God! He is coming onto me!
Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. [laughs and winks]
Homer: [screams on the inside] Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these back door shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!
Mr. Burns: Where is that union representative, Smithers? He's twenty minutes late!
Smithers: I don't know, sir. He hasn't been seen since he promised to clean up the union.
[A football player is seen running down a field, then trips over what is obviously a body buried under the field.]
Football player: What the hell?
A worker in 1909: You can't treat the working man this way. One day, we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we'll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!
Burns's grandfather: The Japanese? Those sandal-wearing goldfish-tenders? Bosh! Flimshaw!
Mr. Burns: [to Smithers, in the present] If only we'd listened to that boy, instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.
Mr. Burns: (watching Homer eating donuts on the security monitor; talking indirectly to Homer) Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poisoned donut. (Turns to Smithers) There is a poisoned one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers: No, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers. They consider it murder.
Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!