Mr. Burns Quotes (Page 6)
Mr. Burns: You're fired!
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm going to sue the pants off you!
Mr. Burns: Oh, you don't have to sue me to get my pants off!
Burns: I dreamed about her again last night, Smithers. You know that dream where you're in bed and they fly in through the window?
Smithers: Mmmmm... [has the exact vision, with Mr. Burns flying straight through his window onto his bed.] You've been reading my wishbook, sir.
Burns: I must have her! Smithers, zoom in. Closer! Closer! Closer, dammit!
[the camera hits Marge in the forehead]
Marge: Ow!
Burns: Too close
Smithers: I prepared a special musical number for Jack's special night.
Smithers: There is a man
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke
Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns.
Burns: Burns!
Mr. Burns: [about bringing Marge along on their voyage] What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and sea men don't mix, sir.
Mr. Burns: We all know what you think.
Burns: All right, you ragtag bunch of misfits! You hate me, and I hate you even more. But without my beloved ringers, you're all I've got. So I want you to remember some inspiring words that someone else might have told you over the course of your lives, and go out there and win!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 13th, 2007 [addressing the team]
Burns: As your new manager, I'm going to say this up front! Nobody expects to be named into the starting line-up [paces down members] I don't care if your names are Steve Sax, or Darryl Srawberry or...Smithers, what's one of the bad players' names?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir?
Burns: or Homer Simpson! Secondly, instead of beer, from now on, you'll be drinking this. [shows bottle] It's a brain and nerve tonic. Rich in proteins and electromagnetic juices. It promotes robust health. [Pours into spoon] Of course, it is known to cause gigantism, but only in rare cases. Try some! [offers to Ken Griffey Jr., who drinks the spoonful]
Ken Griffey, Jr.: Wow, it looks like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited! [Begins drinking bottle]
Burns: Excellent. Smithers, the medicine balls.
[Smithers brings in two basketballs, much to the team's dismay.]
Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Burns: [coldly] Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?
Mr. Burns: Well Smithers, I guess there's nothing left to do but kiss my sorry butt good-bye.
Smithers: May I, sir?
Mr. Burns: Ewww...
Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more. That's why you couldn't come to the party.
Bart: What's she got against me?
Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence.
Bart: [slams his hand on the table] Bad influence, my ass! How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother!