Mr. Burns Quotes (Page 8)
Mr. Burns: Rin-go?
Smithers: He was the drummer for a rock and roll combo called the Beatles.
Burns: Beatles, eh? Oh yes, I seem to remember their off-key caterwauling on the old Sullivan Show. What was Ed thinking?
Mr. Burns: Excellent. Once again the wheel has turned and Dame Fortune has hugged Montgomery Burns to her sweet, perfumed bosom. Somebody up there likes me, Smithers.
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too.
Burns: Shut Up!
Mr. Burns: I can picture it now. A screen door rusting off its filthy hinges, mangy dogs staggering about, looking vainly for a place to die.
Smithers: Permission to speak frankly, sir.
Burns: Permission granted!
Smithers: Well, you are quite wealthy.
Burns: Thank you, Smithers! Your candor is most refreshing.
Smithers: No, no. I mean, why don't you pay for the fight, yourself.
Burns: Ah, Smithers, the big title fight is one of the rare occasions I savor the sights, the sounds, and, oh yes [sniffing], the smells of other men.
Smithers: You haven't lost the common touch, Sir.
Smithers: I think the boy is hurt.
Burns: Oh for crying out loud, just give him a nickel and let's get going.
Burns: Ah, Simpson! At last we meet! My lawyers have advised me to pay you for running over your child, so I'm cutting you a check!
[With great difficulty, he lowers the lever on his check printer.]
Burns: There you are: one hundred dollars. Of course, you'll have to sign a waiver relinquishing your right to sue and so forth. Merely a formality!
Homer: Gee, Mr. Burns... a hundred dollars is very generous of you, but the medical bills alone...
Burns: Oh, so extortion is the name of your little game is it, Simpson!? Very well! You get nothing! I have the finest lawyers in all of Springfield. Tangle with me, and I'll crush you like a paper cup!
[He crushes the cup with great difficulty.]
Burns: Throw him out, Smithers!
Homer: That's okay, Mr. Burns. I can throw myself out!
Mr. Burns: [chanting] The hitter's off his rocker/Kissing Betty Crocker!
Homer: Little baby batter/Can't control his bladder
Mr. Burns: Ironic, isn't it Smithers. This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Mr. Burns: Take me home, Smithers. We'll destroy something tasteful.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 11th, 2007Mr. Burns: [Seeing a son kiss his father on the cheek] Awww... That's the kind of family unity I like to see. Smithers, get that man's name. I predict big things for him down at the power plant.
Homer: Quick, Bart, give me a kiss.
Bart: Kiss you? But, Dad, I'm your kid!
Homer: Bart, please. Five bucks for a kiss.