Nancy Botwin Quotes (Page 3)
Nancy: They wanted to suspend him.
Andy: For what? If Shane wants to believe in Chris, and they try to suspend him for it, Whoa! That’s freedom of religion, that’s like the first commandment; we could nail ‘em on that.
Nancy: I don’t think Chris is protected under “Freedom of Religion,” Andy. In fact, the Angry Christian Moms I heard from in the PTA were pretty offended by it.
Andy: Well that’s so intolerant. I mean, what would Jesus do?
PTA Mom: Oh, we do not joke about our Lord Jesus Christ.
Nancy: It’s a stupid t-shirt. We should ignore it.
Maggie: Only one man died for my sins, Nancy. And his name wasn’t Chris.
Pam: Well, it sort of was, wasn’t it? Like a nickname?
Nancy: Shane, did you shoot the Elderman’s cat?
Shane: What! No! I shot the mountain lion. Right in the eye.
Nancy: Why?
Shane: Because that’s what Dad would’ve done.
Lupita: Doesn’t smell like sage.
Nancy: Obviously menopause has affected your sense of smell.
Lupita: I don’t smell with my coochie.
Celia: Have you ever had sex with a woman?
Nancy: None of your business.
Celia: Oh come on, tell me.
Nancy: Okay, I slept with a woman in college.
Celia: How was it?
Nancy: Boring.
Celia: Well, maybe you didn’t do it right.
Nancy: She said I was the best she’d ever had.
Celia: What are you doing Friday night?
Celia: I’m sick of men. Maybe I missed my calling. I mean, what if I was supposed to be a dyke, but just made a wrong turn by mistake. It would explain a hell of a lot. Here’s the thing, I really wanna f**k around on Dean, but the thought of having to put one more c**k in my mouth is just too depressing.
Nancy: I’m not sure a vagina would be any kind of improvement for you.
Celia: Maybe you’re right. The truth is, p***y really skeeves me out. That whole mirror investigation thing we did when we were young, truly a rude awakening.
Nancy: (reads flier) "What to do if you meet a mountain lion. Give the mountain lion some room. Don’t make eye contact. Talk to the lion softly..." Are you sure this isn’t what to do if you want to date a mountain lion? Well, I have a lot to do, Celia, so...
Celia: Have you ever had sex with a woman?
Nancy: Excuse me?
Celia: I think I’d like to try it.
Celia: You really should lock your front door.
Nancy: I do lock it. But Lupita leaves it open so she doesn’t have to dig for her keys. Drives me insane.
Celia: Subtle revenge for having to clean our toilets.
Nancy: I still say we got the better end of that deal.
Doug: See this Lollipop?
Nancy: It isn’t...
Doug: Yes, I’m getting high right now and you can’t even tell.
Celia: Hey Nancy! Where’s your... where’s your ring?
Nancy: My ring?
Celia: Yeah, your pretty little diamond ring.
Nancy: It’s in the shop.
Celia: Oh, well, I hope they can fix it.
Nancy: Yes, me too, Celia. Thanks!
