Ned Flanders Quotes (Page 2)
Marge: Ned, we meant well and everyone here tried their best.
Ned: Well my family and I can't live on good intentions Marge! Oh, your family's out of controll but we can't blame you because you have GOOD INTENTIONS!
Bart: Hey back off Man.
Ned: OH! Ok dude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, MAN! Hey, here's a catchphrase you'd better learn for your adult years: Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER?!
Bart: I am shocked and appaled
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do ANYTHING!
Ned: Oh do I hear the sound of butting in? It must be Lisa Simspon, Springfields answer to a question, NO ONE ASKED!
Ned: AW, HELL DIDILLY-DING-DONG-CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007Ned: Why me, Lord? I've always been good. I don't drink or dance or swear. I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more can I do? I...I..I feel like I wannaa yell out, but I just can't dang-darn-diddly-darn-dang-ding-dong-diddly-darned do it! I just...I...*sigh*.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Ned: Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem! See, Maude and her mother were visiting Tyer and Sidon, the twin cities of the Holy Land. Well, they must have kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong god because they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort!
Homer: Militants, eh? Well if I were you, I'd kick their asses.
Ned: Well anywhodilly-doodle, the police say it's just a routine hostage-taking, but I gotta drive to Capitol City and fill out some forms to get them out. Could you possibly watch the kids tonight?
Homer: Oh, gee, I'd really love to wanna help you, Flanders but...Marge was...taken prisoner in the....Holy Land, and...
Lisa: (tugging at Homer's hand) I'll do it! I'll babysit!
Ned: I dunno, Lisa. You're awfully young and the boys can be quite a handful. Todd's been pinching everyone lately!
Lisa: But I'm smart and responsible and my parents will be right next door!
Ned: Well, whaddya say, Homer? Can Lisa babysit my kids?
Lisa: Please, please, please!
Homer: Eh, I'll have to ask her. (He slams the door.)
Ned: Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of "Impy and Chimpy" I've ever seen!
Carl: Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer, you, uh... got a beautiful home here.
Belle (through intercom): Who is it?
Ned Flanders: Uh, it's an angry mob, ma'am. Could you step outside for a twinkle while we knock down your house?
Belle: Just a minute.
Ned Flanders: Homer, we have to ration the water carefully. It's our only hope!
Homer: Oh, pardon me, Mr. "Let's ration everything," but what do you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? "Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink."
Marge: Come on, dear, it's time to go.
Homer: Okay, stupid!
Marge: Homer, you've got to stop insulting everyone, especially your boss.
Homer: Marge, the comedy roast is an American tradition. It's what gives us the freedom to criticize our social betters. [To Ned Flanders, outside clipping his hedges] Hey Flanders! You smell like manure!
Ned Flanders: Uh oh. Better cancel that dinner party tonight. Thanks for the nose news, neighbor!
[As Bart walks by the Flanders's house, Ned brandishes a Freddy Kruger-style glove.]
Ned Flanders: [threateningly] Say your prayers, Simpson...
[Bart cowers.]
Ned Flanders: [cheerfully] ...because the schools can't force you like they should!
[Ned uses the glove to prune the hedge as Maude approaches with lemonade.]
Ned Flanders: Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!
[The Flanders familys is hit by the Osaka flu.]
Ned: The Lord has forsaken us. But what could we have done to deserve such a punishment? [Ned pauses and remembers something] Oh, no!
[In a flashback, Ned watched Married...with Children on tv. He laughs at a joke from the show and immediately after a thundering noise is heard.]
Ned: Oh, the network slogan is true! Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity!