Perry Cox Quotes (Page 3)
Dr. Kelso: You youngsters. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that you can't schedule love.
Dr. Cox: I think your credit card statement would beg to differ.
Dr. Cox: This moment is so great, I would cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of tiny little moments...!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 3rd, 2007Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 3rd, 2007 J.D.: Come on, man, it's our last week together! The J.D. and Cox train is pulling into the station. You must have a metaphor you want to use; hit me with it!
Dr. Cox: I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Let me see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees' payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, every-everything that exists, past, present, and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions! [pause] Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
J.D.: Hugh Jackman's Wolverine! How dare he?!
[later]
Dr. Cox: Newbie, do you want me give my "things I don't care about" speech again? Because I've updated it to all white guys who add -izzle to anything.
J.D.: I agrizzle, my nizzle.
Dr. Kelso: I need your opinion about something.
Dr. Cox: [without looking up] Yes Bob, those pants do make you look like you're holding water.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I’ll tell you the same thing I told that comic I once saw in a strip club in Reno: I'm not here for the jokes.
[Turk and Carla shake their heads disapprovingly at Dr. Cox.]
Dr. Cox: Oh don't even start, Tarla or Curk or whatever you're calling this little two-headed judgmental freak show. Why don't I do a little piece for you I like to call, "Your First Year Of Marriage." "I do!" Oh, kiss kiss kiss! [imitating Carla's whine] "Why can't we have a baby!" [imitating Turk's talk] "Why you spendin' so much money on clothes!" "Why you sleepin' with my sister?" "Why can't I hang out with my peeps?" [explosion sound]
Turk: Baby.
Carla: Hmmm?
Turk: I would never sleep with your sister. She's hideous.
Dr. Cox: Bob, I cannot believe you’re going to turn this hospital into a money-making machine that coerces people into spending their hard-earned cash on expensive procedures they don’t even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? It sounds like something I’d do.
Dr. Cox: I can’t believe Kelso really asked my opinion, y’know?
Janitor: If I wanted to listen to someone yap on about their problems, I’d be at my AA meeting.
Dr. Cox: It just so happens that this was the only empty seat in the whole joint. Besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are duty bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word that comes out of my mouth.
Janitor: [beat] Proceed.
Dr. Kelso: Do you think I got to be chief of medicine by being late?
Dr. Cox: No. You got there by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.
Dr. Kelso: Maybe so, but I started those things promptly at eight.
[J.D. steps out of the shower wearing a pair of shorts. Dr. Cox and Ben look at him, puzzled.]
J.D.: What? They're my shower shorts.
[Later]
Dr. Cox: Those are the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. [referring to shorts]
J.D.: You know you're right. I was an idiot to buy these shower shorts. I mean it's not like they come with a complimentary shower wallet. [Produces wallet attached to shorts via elastic cord, which snaps back at him] Ow.
[Later]
Dr. Cox: Shower Shortz?
J.D.: [Advertisement voice] For the man who has nothing to hide. But still wants to.