Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 10)
Meg Griffin: Dad! What is it? What's going on? I heard a noise. Is somebody downstairs?
[Peter hits Meg with a baseball bat]
Peter Griffin: Oh, God, Meg, you startled me! I'm sorry.
Meg Griffin: What the hell's your problem, you dumbass?!
Lois Griffin: I love you, honey.
Peter Griffin: And I've grown fond of you, Lois.
Peter Griffin: Boy, this is more awkward than that threesome when the girl didn't show up.
[cut to Peter and another man together in the bed]
Peter Griffin: So, uh, you definitely left her a voice mail?
Man: Yeah, two. Home and cell.
Peter Griffin: Oh, good, you got the cell, too, okay, I was... I was gonna say...
Lois Griffin: Wait a minute, where's Meg?
Brian Griffin: I don't know.
Stewie Griffin: I didn't see her.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, I kinda thought you guys would attend to that.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you got to go back and get her.
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going back for Meg.
Lois Griffin: Peter!
Peter Griffin: Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we leave Meg.
Lois Griffin: I know, but-
Meg Griffin: YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THERE?!
Peter Griffin: Look... She's... Okay, see? It resolved itself.
Performance Artist Bruce: Lois, I told you, it ain't safe!
Peter Griffin: I'll tell you what's not safe: Going hunting with Dick Cheney.
[cut to Peter and Cheney in a meadow with shotguns]
Peter Griffin: So, y'all set to go hunting?
Dick Cheney: [shoots him about 10 times] Sorry, I thought you were a deer.
Peter Griffin: Good night, buddy. Hey, what's the matter?
Chris Griffin: Oh, I'm scared of the storm, Dad.
Peter Griffin: Well, you know, I think the storm's moving away from us, Chris. You know how I can tell? Here's a little trick. When you see the lightning, you count all the terrible things that can happen to a child, until you hear the thunder. And if you count higher each time, you know the storn's moving away from you. Okay, ready?
Chris Griffin: Ready. [lightning flashes]
Peter Griffin: Okay. Drowning, getting shot in a drive-by...
Chris Griffin: Lyme Disease from a deer tick...
Peter Griffin: Good, good, getting stabbed in the face...
Chris Griffin: Getting shot in the face...
Peter Griffin: Shot in the face, there you go. I see you're kinda stealing mine, but, uh, it's okay. Leukemia...
Chris Griffin: Having a mosquito bite you on your scab... [thunder crashes]
Peter Griffin: Oh, there's the thunder. Okay, let's try again.
Peter Griffin: Holy crap!
Brian Griffin: What the hell was that?
Lois Griffin: Stewie, what are you doing?!
Stewie Griffin [singsongy]: They're here.
Brian Griffin: Who's here?
Stewie Griffin: The TV people. What? No, they did a spin-off. Um, he's still playing Joey, but... uh, it's not doing so well.
Peter Griffin: [In bed with Lois] I can't wait to see the expression on Joe's legs when I open my multiplex.
Lois Griffin: I have to say, I'm a little concerned about the zoning for the... Peter, are you peeing in that skull?
Peter Griffin [sarcastically]: No, Lois, I'm getting up and walking all the way to the bathroom and doing it there. Pain in the ass.
Peter Griffin: Hey, whass-a happ-a wit-chu? [canned laughter]
Brian Griffin: What the hell was that?
Peter Griffin: My catchphrase.
Brian Griffin: You don't have a catchphrase.
Peter Griffin: Why you gotta say-a like-a dat?
Peter Griffin: By the way, Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not gonna tell you where, but I'll give you a hint: It wasn't my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007
