Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 12)
Peter Griffin: Lois, last night was amazing.
Lois Griffin: It was, wasn't it?
Peter Griffin: Fat sex is the hottest sex we've ever had. There were so many boobs, I didn't know whose boobs I was grabbing; your boobs or my boobs.
Lois Griffin: Peter, stop it! For God's sakes, you're embarrassing me!
Peter Griffin: Not as embarrassed as I was when I got that job entertaining prison inmates.
[cut to Peter in a prison yard without his shirt on]
Bald Prisoner: Do it again, Griffin!
Peter Griffin: Aw, come on! I just did it like five times...
Mustached Prisoner: Do it!
Peter Griffin: [singing, dancing, holding boobs together] Myyyy milkshake bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you but I have to char-r-r-rge!
Peter Griffin: I mean, you wouldn't have sex with Lois would ya?
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, I would.
Peter Griffin: Really?
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I would do everything to her, I don't care what she looks like. I would wreck that chick.
Peter Griffin: Well, you are a trooper.
Peter Griffin: And, uh, just so you know, everything in there is exactly the way it was when I went in. There is absolutely zero chance that I spilled all the jars and had to refill them with my own sperm. Zero chance.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007 Peter Griffin: Yeah, but what if me and Lois do end up wanting another baby? It'll be too late.
Cleveland Brown: You could freeze some of your sperm at the sperm bank, just in case.
Peter Griffin: I don't know, Cleveland. It didn't work out so great that time I froze my nuts.
[cut away to Ice Age]
Peter Griffin: No! No! Bad squirrel! Those are MY nuts! My nuts! Ah... you're just a hungry little fella, aren't you? But those are MY nuts!
Lois Griffin: Oh, God, I can't believe we weren't more careful! This probably happened that night we tried role-playing.
[cutaway Peter in bed as Lois walks toward him]
Lois Griffin: Ooh, I need a spanking. I'm a bad, bad girl.
Peter Griffin: I'm a paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my Helm of Disintegration and do 1D4 damage as my Half-Elf Mage wields his +5 Holy Avenger.
Lois Griffin: Paladins can't use the Helm of Disintegration!
Peter Griffin: Oh? Okay. Then I'm a black guy.
Lois Griffin: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter Griffin: Oh, God, I hope you're not pregnant. We can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marcia, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian Griffin: Peter, those aren't your kids. That's the Nick at Nite lineup.
Peter Griffin: ...Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian Griffin: That's Street Fighter.
Peter Griffin: ... red, blue, green...
Brian Griffin: Those are colors.
Peter Griffin: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what the hell are you doing?
Cement truck worker: Well, Mayor West is afraid of zombies, so the city says all caskets must be encased in concrete.
Mayor Adam West: You'll thank me when no one eats our brains... you'll thank me.
Peter Griffin: I mean we're gonna fake your death. This is the best idea I had since I invented that soda.
[cut to Peter in a boardroom]
Peter Griffin: Gentlemen, I give you Crystal Pepsi. All the great taste of regular Pepsi, but without that troublesome opacity. Well, what if you're drinking a regular Pepsi, and somebody's coming at you with a knife, huh? You won't be able to see him past your Pepsi. And-and-and then, and then, who's dead, huh? You! You! You're dead! Stabbed! Crystal Pepsi.
Peter Griffin: I know you have a foot fetish, so I got you the Statue of Liberty's foot. [a truck backs up with a giant green foot]
Glenn Quagmire: Aw, thanks, Peter, but Joan's all the foot I need now.
Peter Griffin: What? But, Quagmire, that's the real foot from the Statue of Li--
Glenn Quagmire: No, no, I'm okay.
Peter Griffin: Hey, hey, do you have any idea what I went through to get this? A lot. A real lot. You think this is just, "Oh, here comes Peter with the Statue of Liberty's foot, oh isn't that a gas?" No, no. The reality, the real reality of getting this thing together was staggering. You know? This cost me $437,000; don't ask me how I got it, I had to call in a whole bunch of favors from people I've never even met, so the very least you could do is just, rub up against... I don't know.
Glenn Quagmire: Well, if you want, I could...
Peter Griffin: No-no-no, no, no, it's fine. No-no, whatever, whatever. Just go to your wedding, man.
