Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 14)
Peter Griffin: But Dad, you're the one who said I should look into my heart to find my religion.
Francis Griffin: Yes, real religion! What I saw today wasn't religion, it was just a bunch of sheep, singing songs and listening to ridiculous tall tales.
Brian Griffin: Actually, that is religion.
Francis Griffin: Shut your trap, Brian!
Stewie Griffin: Ha! you tell him!
Peter Griffin: Please rise.[everyone stands] Now sit on it. [they sit] The Fonz be with you.
Churchgoers: And also with you.
Peter Griffin: Let us ayyyyyy.
Churchgoers: Ayyyyyy.
Peter Griffin: Alright, listen up, everybody. I have something to tell you. I'm not quite sure how to say this... I 'm fat. Let me give you a minute to absorb that. That's the way it is, it's nobody's fault... Meg. But, I've decided to do something about it.
Meg Griffin: Oh, great. You gonna drop some weight, fat-ass?
Peter Griffin: No, dummy! I'm gonna help make this a fat man's world, by establishing the National Association for the Advancement of Fat People!
[Brian sees a rock on the grass, picks it up and throws it at Peter]
Peter Griffin: Ahh! You missed!
Brian Griffin: No, I didn't. That's for rolling up the damn window when I tried to jump into The General Lee.
Lois Griffin: So, Doctor, is Peter healthy?
Dr. Hartman: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!
Peter and Lois: What?
Dr. Hartman: [pulls out a newspaper] Oh, Hägar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter Griffin: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, huh?
Dr. Hartman: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Aaaahhh!
Lois Griffin: Hi, honey. How was your physical?
Peter Griffin: Uh, good, good, good, yeah, yeah. Uh, too good, matter of fact. You know what the doctor said? Doctor said I was too healthy. You know? In-in-in too good of shape. Don't even know how. Too good of shape.
Lois Griffin: You didn't go to your physical, did you?
Peter Griffin: Uh, I did not.
Joe Swanson: Oh, I can't do it [eat a steak], I'm...I'm so full.
Peter Griffin: Full of what, estrogen? C'mon, take the skirt off, you pansy!
Joe Swanson: Oh.
Glenn Quagmire: Let's go! Chow down, Mary Jane!
Joe Swanson: I said I can't.
Brian Griffin: Eat it! Eat the damn steak!
Peter Griffin: C'mon, what are you waiting for?
Joe Swanson: I can't. No, no, no...
Glenn Quagmire: Eat it, Joe, eat it!
Joe Swanson: I SAID I'M NOT HUNGRY! [takes out his gun and fires at the steak] WHERE IS IT NOW, HUH? WHERE IS IT NOW?!
Cleveland Brown: Easy, sailor, easy.
Peter Griffin: Put the gun down, Joe.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, nobody's judging you, man. It's cool.
Peter Griffin: Put this on.
Brian Griffin: Why?
Peter Griffin: Because, I'm skipping my physical to go have steaks with the guys, and I don't want Lois to know about it.
Brian Griffin: Um...okay.
[in the next scene, the horse suit walks past the couch]
Peter Griffin: [inside horse suit] Lois, I'm going to my physical now.
Lois Griffin: Okay, hunny, I'll see you later.
[Peter and Brian in the car, driving to the steak house]
Brian Griffin: Um... what, what the hell. I'll just ask it: Why did we need the horse suit for that?
Peter Griffin: Sometimes I think I should have married that woman I met the night of my bachelor party.
[cut to Lois as a young woman, walking out of a bar with a drunk Peter]
Lois Griffin: Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here! Let's get you home.
Peter Griffin: Wow, strange lady! You're so sexy. I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain in the ass Lois.
Lois Griffin: Peter, it's me!
Peter Griffin: You know what? Screw it. I am so gonna cheat on Lois right now. I don't care if she finds out.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I-
Peter Griffin: You got a condom? N-never mind... I got this Milky Way wrapper.
Peter Griffin: Stewie, I know you're a little mad at me right now, but when you see where I'm taking you, you're gonna change your mind.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, I'm gonna change my mind. We just sat on a plane for three hours to come to Florida, God's waiting room, for who knows what... [sees a "DISNEY WORLD - 5 MILES" sign] ... OH, DISNEY WORLD! DISNEY WORLD, DISNEY WORLD! OH! OH! OH! I WANT TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD! OH, OH, DISNEY WORLD! DISNEY WORLD! OH, OH, OH! [sits down] I'm still mad at you.
