Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 15)
Peter Griffin: Brian, I feel awful. Stewie and I were getting along so good, and now he hates me. How do I get him to like me again?
Brian Griffin: Well, that depends. Do you really want my advice, or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter Griffin: What's a hypotenuse?
Brian Griffin: Aw, don't feel bad Peter. Hey, I know what will cheer you up.
Peter Griffin: I don't think I'm in the mood.
Peter Griffin: You know, I thought I could help people with this whole A-Team thing, but it turns out I'm as useless as that nude Playboy spread of Debbie Gibson. It's like, "Yeah, she's naked, but who gives a s**t?"
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 [Peter shoots at the ceiling of the living room. Part of it falls down; Chris falls through it and onto the floor]
Chris Griffin: Hi, Dad!
Peter Griffin: Go to your room.
Chris Griffin: Okay!
[runs upstairs, falls through to the floor again]
Peter Griffin: A-Team role call. Face?
Glenn Quagmire: Here and handsome.
Peter Griffin: Murdock?
Joe Swanson: Here, and crazy!
Peter Griffin: B.A.?
Cleveland Brown: I pity the fool, but also suggest many ways that he may better himself.
Peter Griffin: Man, this is gonna be a fun day. Much better than that day I tried TAG Bodyspray for Sick Cats.
[cut to Peter in the store spraying some TAG on himself. Soon, 12 sick cats come up to him yowling]
Peter Griffin: Oh. Oh, oh God. Oh, God. Oh. Oh, no. Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Eww. Eww. Eww. Oh, no, no, no. Oh. Oh, no, no, no, you're cute, you're cute; I-I don't wanna pet you though. Ah, ah... ah, all right. Ah. Oh, oh, oh, what are you gonna do? Oh, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? [the cat vomits] Ah! Oh, no. Okay. No, yeah, no, this-this spray is not for me.
Peter Griffin: Lois, there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about my programing.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Wile E. Coyote: Yeah, uh, I bought a giant life-sized slingshot from you, and it just slammed me into a mountain.
Peter Griffin: Sorry, no returns.
Wile E. Coyote: I've been a customer here for years.
Peter Griffin: I could maybe give you a store credit.
Wile E. Coyote: But I-- really? Well I guess--
Mrs. Coyote: What's the hold up in here?
Wile E. Coyote: I'm taking care of it!
Peter Griffin: You're on TV, Mr. Tucker, can't you do something about this?
Tom Tucker: Well, Peter, I'm flattered you came to me for help. We'll have more after this. [Tom walks off, and walks back on] Good evening, we're back.
Peter Griffin [on FCC censorship]: What the hell? They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV, and she looks like a foot!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Peter Griffin: Man, this sucks worse than my 16th birthday party.
[cut to Peter's birthday]
Peter Griffin: Thanks for coming to my birthday party, Jake Ryan.
Jake Ryan: Thanks for having me at your birthday party, Peter...make a wish.
Peter Griffin: It's already come true.
Jake Ryan: Here's your present. [They lean in to kiss, but Jake knocks down Peter and the cake and rips off his shirt. He then jumps down and proceeds to rape Peter]
Peter Griffin: No, Jake, not like this!
