Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 2)
Luke Skywalker (Chris): They're coming too fast!
Han Solo (Peter): [under his breath] Oh boy. Nickel for every time that's happened... just keep shooting, Luke!
Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be with Lois!
Peter Griffin: Oh, crap. Death!
Death: No! You... you know what? I'm not doing it again. Screw this! No more mulligans! You're on your own!
[in 1984]
Cleveland Brown: Oh, hey, Peter. Say, I was just getting ready to hit the town. You wanna join me?
Peter Griffin: Ah, I can't, Cleveland. I got a date with Lois.
Cleveland Brown: It's gonna be fun...
Peter Griffin: It is?
Death: Man, it's been a busy day. Dick Cheney, the chairman of Halliburton, shot Supreme Court Justice Scalia in a hunting accident, and the bullet went right through him and killed Karl Rove and Tucker Carlson.
Brian Griffin: Oh, my God, Peter, you can't marry Lois.
Peter Griffin: I don't know who any of those people are.
Peter Griffin: Oh my God! All right, don't freak out, Peter. Don't freak out like you did when your goldfish died.
[cut o Peter emptying a box of fish food into a fishbowl which is already filled with nothing but fish food]
Peter Griffin: Here ya go, Lieutenant Shiny-Sides. It's okay, you don't have to eat it now. You're just sleepin'. You'll eat it later! You'll eat it later, Lieutenant Shiny-Sides!
Brian Griffin: Ever hear the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well, who knows what else we changed?
[turns on the TV]
Announcer: Tonight on The Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney...
Peter Griffin: Oh, he's good.
Announcer: Comedian Dave Chappelle...
Brian Griffin: He's funny. Like him.
Announcer: And musician Harry Connick, Jr.
Peter Griffin: Wow, what a show!
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, heeeeeeeere's... Chevy!
Peter Griffin: Oh God, Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!
Woman: Wow, you're really good at this game!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I've logged a lot of game hours on Menstural Ms. Pac-Man.
[cut to Ms. Pac-Man eating her way across the screen, with ghosts following her. Suddenly she turns at them]
Ms. Pac-Man: WHAT?! WHAT?!
Red Ghost: Geez.
Orange Ghost: Nothing.
Purple Ghost: Bitch!
Peter Griffin: Careful, 'cause they've got a lot of big ol' wilderness bugs out here.
[A large bee flies over and begins speaking in a voice identical to Bruce the Performance Artist]
Bee: Oh, hey. Y'all best be careful or I'm gonna sting you with my stinger. Oh, no! But then I'se gon' die if I sting you. You know what? I'm not gonna sting y'all after all, and that's my choice. Y'all ain't worth it. I'm just gonna head on over to that flower and suck on that stamen like there's no tomorrow.
Peter Griffin: Boy, it was nice of Quagmire to let us use his place. This'll be much better than that vacation we took with the Price Is Right yodeler.
[cut to the Griffins following the mountain-climbing yodeler on the Cliff Hangers pricing game board]
Peter Griffin: Okay, you can stop here. There's no way that microwave costs more than 300 bucks. Stop here! Don't... don't listen to that fat tourist! She doesn't know how much a microwave costs. Stop! [The yodeler and the Griffins fall off the board] Ah, we should have gone to Plinko like Cleveland.
Lois Griffin: Peter, a little culture is good for this family. Besides, you liked The Nutcracker, didn't you?
Peter Griffin: No, Lois, I did not. The Nutcracker had zero physical comedy. And-- and with a name like The Nutcracker, I thought, "Oh, this will be worth a few yuks." But no, Lois. That title wrote a check that the queers on stage refused to cash.
