Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 32)
Peter Griffin: Relax, Chris, nothing bad ever happens when you're asleep. In fact, sometimes good things can happen.
• Rating 2.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007Peter Griffin: Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. You know, we've had a lot of laughs tonight, but I'll tell you what's not funny - killin' strippers. Strippers are people, too. Naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain at a VIP room. Besides, there's no need to kill 'em... because most of them are already dead inside. Good night, everyone!
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Peter Griffin: Hey, since I became President, profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano. Hehehehehe!
[cut to Alyssa Milano in real life, watching the show]
Alyssa Milano: What kind of cheap shot... Joel!
Joel: I'm suing, I'm suing. I'm on it, I'm on it.
Peter Griffin You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her: Smoking.
Al Gore: You have our support, Griffin.
Peter Griffin: And that's when Clarence Thomas forced me into his chambers and showed me lewd pictures.
Senator: Mr. Griffin, we have indisputable evidence that not only have you never been in the same room as Clarence Thomas, you've never been in the same state. How do you respond to that?
Peter Griffin: Baba-booie! Baba-booie! Howard Stern's penis!
Lois Griffin: But, Peter, why would they make you president?
Peter Griffin: Well, maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second - AHLP!
Lois Griffin: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
Peter Griffin: You shoulda seen the way they were treating me. I've never gotten that kind of respect before.
[cut to the Community Pool, where Peter, wearing a shirt that says "Coach" and a whistle around his neck, talks to Bobby, a boy who is pulling himself up out of the pool]
Peter Griffin: Great workout, Bobby.
Bobby: Up yours, sack breath.
Peter Griffin: That's Mr. Griffin.
Peter Griffin: Don't worry, Lois, I'll set 'em straight. Just like I did with Chris.
[cutaway to a Whale Watching Boat, where Peter and Chris look out at the ocean as a whale breaches the surface.]
Chris Griffin: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter Griffin: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
Mr. Weed: Hello?
Peter Griffin: Mr. Weed? I can't come to work today. I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable. I'll see you tomorrow. [hangs up] Eh?
Brian Griffin: Oh, please, Peter, your excuses are lamer than FDR's legs. [Chris, Meg, and Peter all look shocked.] Too soon?
Meg Griffin: Dad, don't you have to work today?
Peter Griffin: Eh, it's nothin' a little phone call can't take care of.
